No Ordinary Love - G.Callen NCIS L.A

Chapter 12

"Do you have to go right back to Indulge?"

Deja regarded him, closing the trunk of the car. Something about him had been off all day, and she hadn't been able to figure out what it was. "No, I don't have to go back, at all, if you have other plans."

"Come with me for a while?"

She smiled encouragingly. "Always."

Once en route, he steered them in a direction she didn't recognize, but she didn't say anything. Eventually, he stopped in front of a house, in a quiet neighborhood. He turned the engine off and turned to her. "I want to show you something." Callen had made the decision to show her his house earlier that week. He wasn't sure what she was going to say, but for some reason it mattered. He seemed to stumble over his thoughts, embarrassed. "Promise not to judge me?"

Deja nodded solemnly. "I promise." Whatever it was, she'd face it with an open mind. Judging by his behavior, her reaction was significant.

He took her hand and they walked up to the house. Opening the door, he stepped aside to let her in. Deja looked around. The house itself was gorgeous, spacious, light. She noticed the fireplace first thing, then the French doors of to the side, into the dining area.

She saw the lone chair in the corner, with a lamp and a side table. Apparently, he hadn't lived here long. "May I?"

He stepped back and nodded, nervously watching her every move. Deja wondered of into the kitchen. No knick-knacks, things, just his kettle and tea in a corner. Again, lovely light because of the window. But no personal things. She took a quiet tour of the house. Upstairs, the master bedroom, with a bed and closet, but little else. Two smaller bedrooms, not filled with anything at all. Somehow, it all made sense when she came back downstairs, and noticed the small plant on the mantle.

Then she looked at the man she was certain she loved. He looked on edge, hesitant, nervous. "It's gorgeous."

The only reaction she got was a nod of his head. He didn't say anything, didn't look at her. Deja edged closer to him, careful, as if not to disturb him. "Who gave you the epiphyte?"

Completely caught off guard, he looked up. "What?"

"The plant?" she clarified. "Who gave it to you?"

He swallowed. "Hetty. My boss."

Deja was impressed. This house made sense, now. He was afraid of putting down roots. "How look have you been living here?"

Again, he was looking at his shoes. "Few years."

Okay, so maybe terrified was a better word. "Just bought it on a hunch?"

"Hetty thought I needed a place to stay. She sort of bullied me into buying it."

At least he was giving her answers. "Why this house?"

He took a deep breath, and for a moment she thought he wasn't going to answer her. "I stayed here, when I was a teenager."

One of his foster homes, then. "Did you like it here?"

Another nod.

With every question, she'd inched closer. She was standing in front of him now. "Why are you showing it to me?"

That was todays million dollar question. There was a reason he'd brought her here, but she wasn't entirely sure what it was. He was avoiding her gaze, still so when he answered. "I wanted you to see it."

She understood that. But there was a reason there, and she needed him to say it. "I've seen it. Now what?"

Finally, he met her eyes. He was fighting tears and she wanted nothing more than to hug him and make everything better. But he needed to voice his thought first. So she waited. His voice was barely more than a whisper when he started talking. "I need roots. But I'm scared to death to put down roots because of my past, because of who I am. I've never belonged anywhere, and deep down, I want to, but I don't know how." And suddenly, he was spilling secrets; about his parents, his foster homes, about going from job to job because he didn't really care about the rules, because he was too much of a lone wolf. All his life he'd tried to fit in, to be as everybody else. But his past had shaped him, more than he'd be willing to admit. That he'd been going from motel to motel, to spare rooms and couches because he couldn't bring himself to make a more permanent commitment. Until Hetty came with the contract for his old foster home. Then he'd finally caved, partly. At least he owned the house, but he hadn't been able to get himself to buy furniture because that would be permanent. That would mean that he'd actually have a house. An address. A home.

While he was talking, Deja was standing in his personal space, open posture, just listening. She soaked everything he was telling up, memorizing every last piece of information he fed her, so that she could remember later. Her heart ached for him, for the person he became because so many things had happened to him before the age of twelve. Finally, he took a shaky breath and shrugged. "Anyway, what I meant to say with all that... Would you like to help me make this more of a home?"

Carefully, she wiped the tears he'd shed from his cheeks. "It would be my pleasure."

"Yeah? I haven't scared you away yet?"

She frowned. "What makes you think you ever will?"

"I'm a mess. Nate would say that I have so many unresolved issues, that it's probably not wise to enter any type of relationship until I've figured them all out."

Deja cradled his head in her hands and kissed his lips. "Well, in that case, I'm afraid the human race will be extinct in a few decades. Because we all have issues. I'm way too trusting, I prefer to see the good in people, instead of acknowledging that they have a dark side, and I need to work on that. But there's always the chance to figure them out together. You think that's an option?"

More grateful than he could ever express to her, he nodded. "Let's try that."

Finally, she wrapped her arms around him. "That's why you been nervous the entire afternoon? Because of the house?"

"You noticed that?"

She laughed. "Babe, I've known you for a little while now. Something was of."

He really couldn't get anything passed her. "Yeah. I was nervous. Sam always jokes about my unfurnished house, without knowing the real reason that it's the way it is. It doesn't really bother me; he means well. It's just that... Telling you why my house is the way it is, is a whole different ballgame. It's another level of scared because if I ever scare you away..." Shaking his head, he tried to keep control of his emotions.

Again, she kissed him. For a while, they didn't say anything and Deja tried to process everything he'd said. Maybe it was too early to say what she was going to say, maybe it was the perfect moment, she didn't know. She just wanted him to know. Lifting her head, she locked eyes with him. When she was sure she had his full attention, she started to talk. "Listen carefully, okay? I love you. With your past, and the job you can't tell me about yet, and your commitment issues, and your flaws. I love you. So scaring me away is not going to happen, no matter what you tell me. I don't care about all the monsters in your closet, because I know that we'll tackle them together and we'll sort it out. Please stop thinking that one day I'll have enough of this, of us, of you. I'm never voluntarily going to leave you."

Fresh tears threatened to spill, and he tried to stop them. He'd spend the rest of his life trying to repay the universe for this woman. Other than his mother and his sister, nobody had so openly loved him for him. He couldn't remember the last time he felt cherished, and loved and at peace. And right now, in this moment, he felt all of that. "Just like that? You love me?"

Her eyes danced with mirth. "Just like that. I love you. And don't you dare say it back yet, you're nowhere near ready for that. But it's the only way I may be able to get through that thick skull of yours that I'm here to stay. Not going anywhere."

All his nervousness now gone, he gathered her close and kissed her with all he had. "I don't deserve you."

"You need me." She smiled. "And that goes the other way around as well, so consider us even."

For the first time that day, his laughter reached his eyes. Nervousness had made way for relief; relief that she wasn't going anywhere; surprise, that she was so sure of her feelings to admit that she loved him. Calmness, because he felt that he could make something of his house with her. She was going to be here. That was all that mattered.