Dark Merlin: The Man Called Emrys

XVI

HURRYING THROUGH THE HALLWAYS and up the stairwells, Merlin quickly made his way to Arthur's chamber. Placing his hands on the oak door, he swallowed. He was sure that Arthur would be angry, but that wasn't what really worried him. He had been the recipient of many of Arthur's outbursts before. What really worried him was that the barrier keeping Emrys at bay would fall to pieces while in Arthur's presence and Emrys would strike. He had to make this quick and get back to Gaius as soon as he could.

Pushing the door open, it squeaked on its hinges and he peaked inside. Arthur was standing by his window looking down at the evening courtyard with his arms crossed. Slowly, Merlin stepped inside and closed the door behind him. Seeing that Arthur hadn't turned to greet him, Merlin figured he must've been lost in thought. He cleared his throat and said softly, "Arthur?"

Arthur flung around, his hands dropping to his side. "Merlin?" At first, Arthur looked surprised to see him, but eventually his brow furrowed in frustration and he shouted, "Where have you been?"

Merlin took a step closer. "I'm sorry for disappearing on you, Arthur," he began, trying to explain, but Arthur cut him off.

"You were hurt!" Arthur exploded. He jabbed a finger at Merlin. "You don't just get to disappear for a week after something like that!"

Merlin held his hands out trying to get Arthur to calm down. "Arthur, would you please just listen to me?"

"What were you thinking?" Arthur stomped towards Merlin, his fists clenched, and Merlin flinched. He stopped inches from his servant and loosened his grip. His hardened expression unexpectedly softened. "Perhaps I wasn't the one thinking." He averted his gaze for a split second. "It had to do with Morgana, didn't it?" Merlin stayed silent. Arthur placed a hand on his hip and with the other he ran it along the outline of his chin. "I should've known you weren't ready to go back out there. Knowing there was a chance we could've ran into her again."

Merlin let out the breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "Arthur, you had no way of knowing we'd be ambushed."

"But I should've!" Arthur shouted. "I should've seen the signs. Several of my men died that day. If I'm going to be their king, they have to learn to trust me." Sighing, he leaned forward placing both palms on the table. "How can they trust me if I just get them killed?"

"Arthur, you were just following your father's orders," Merlin tried to console. "If it was your choice and you weren't under so much pressure, maybe you would've noticed something was wrong."

"So you're saying my father got those men killed?" Arthur accused.

"No, that's not what I'm saying," Merlin quickly corrected. His heart dropped to his stomach when he felt the familiar ache in his head beginning to return. He had to get out of here before Arthur started suspecting anything, but he couldn't leave without warning him.

"Was it the memories of what she did to you?" Arthur asked.

Merlin froze at the unexpected question. "What?" he barely squeezed out.

Arthur stood up straight. "Being attacked like that. I know what that does to people. I've seen it in my men."

His vision begin to cloud so he nodded and lied, "Yes, that's why I left. I had to figure out how to deal with the trauma. Alone." Arthur lowered his head. The stabbing pierced Merlin's brain and he winced, but hoped Arthur hadn't seen. "Arthur, listen to me." He took a step forward, his right leg feeling weak and like it would buckle at any moment. "While I was gone I heard that Morgana was planning to attack Camelot."

"What?" Arthur nearly shouted. "When?"

"Could be hours. Could be days," Merlin said through the thumping in his ears. "I'm sorry but that's all I got."