Gracious

Prologue

As dawn's soft light enveloped the room, I found myself lost in the vivid echoes of a dream that lingered like an elusive enchantment.

I gazed down at my left hand, surprised to find a dazzling diamond ring adorning my finger. A deep voice echoed in the room, asking, "Are you ready?" I looked up, and there he stood-tall, with tousled hair and piercing eyes. The sun, veiled by the curtains behind him, cast a radiant glow around his body.

I quickly nodded in agreement.

"Then let's go, my darling." He whispered.

***

"Jane!" I snap out of my trance and turn to face my mother. "Child that is the fourth time you have blatantly ignored me. What is going on in that head of yours?"

I relay the dream in my head. It was so magical, it's all I've been able to think about. My mother snaps her fingers at me, giving me a questioning look. I decide to keep my dream to myself. She'd say that daydreaming is foolish and I am wasting time.

"Nothing. I just didn't sleep well last night." I lie.

She scoffs. "Unless you want to become a wrinkly old spinster I suggest that you prioritize your beauty rest."

Society has decided that life for a woman is a series of prescribed roles - daughter, wife, mother. But for me, none of these roles seem to fit. I'm twenty three and I have no prospects which means no chance to be a mother or wife. I play the daughter role, but not well I'm sure.

Born to a wealthy family, I had always been told what to do, where to go, and how to behave. But as I've grown older, I've began to feel suffocated by the expectations placed upon me. I long for something more, something that will give me a sense of purpose in this world. And if I am to find a husband, I want something that is real.

I've read countless stories of how the girl finds the guy and everything falls into place. I have witnessed it myself in the life of my sister, Libby. She met the perfect man, a wealthy one that can give her anything and everything she desires in life. She has two children that she tends to daily. She has all that she needs. It's everything she has ever wanted.

Why can I not decide what I want?

I want love but no heartache. I want a husband but I don't want to take the steps to get one for myself. I want children but the idea of raising them in this society frightens me.

These statements might confuse some, but live a day in my shoes and you will understand why.

Despite my privileged upbringing, I find myself feeling lost and alone. I can't shake the feeling that there is something missing in my life. Not a husband or a family- something more. I spend my days wandering the countryside, searching for a sense of belonging, but nothing seems to bring me peace.

"Did you see the dress that Barbara left on your bed?" Barbara is my lady's maid and my mother's right hand woman. Both equally determined to get me married off like they did my sister.

"I did. It's beautiful." I say plainly as I scan over my book.

I quite enjoy reading. It's my way of escaping reality. I wish life was as good as the one written on these pages. I suppose happily ever after isn't in the cards for me.

"I'm glad you think so. You will wear it to tonight's ball." She says, I can hear the tight lipped smile.

I look up from my book and meet her gaze. "Do you not trust me to pick out my own gown? You do realize I am an adult."

"As long as you are under this roof, you will wear what I tell you to wear." She replies coldly.

I take in a sharp breath and stand, "Well, I'm off to Charlotte and Amelia's. I am doing their hair."

I head to my room and she calls after me, "Be sure to do your own while you're at it!"