𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐕𝐄, lando norris

02 ; these are my clothes

When I arrived at Antonia's ten minutes later, I was frozen through. My wet clothes stuck to me like a second skin and gave me unpleasant goose bumps.

"Noa," Toni smiled, looking down at me and making a worried face. "What's happened to you?" She immediately pulled me into the house, ignoring my soaking wet clothes and the fact that I was now dripping down her hallway.

"I ran into someone on the way. Nothing serious. Do you have any clothes I could borrow?" As far as I knew, the woman had donated any clothes that had nothing to do with her pregnancy.

She was firmly convinced that she wouldn't have fitted into her clothes after her pregnancy anyway and had therefore donated everything she could.

Toni really was a loving soul.

"Of course. My nephew should still have a few things. Pick some out." The young woman smiled lovingly at me as she showed me to the room in question and left me standing alone in front of the huge closet.

His clothes were at least two sizes too big, but I didn't care because they were warm and dry.

I quickly picked out a pair of gray sweatpants and a purple Nike hoodie.

As the door was closed behind me, I didn't bother going into the adjoining bathroom but got rid of my wet clothes and slipped into the new ones straight away.

The pants fell off my hips and the hoodie clung to my body like a sack of potatoes, but I didn't care. They were comfortable and served their purpose.

I frantically stuffed my wet clothes into a bin bag and ran out of the room before dropping the bag in the hallway.

"Thanks for the clothes, Toni. You saved my life."

As I walked into the living room, I stopped abruptly because Toni and I were no longer alone. Men, so many men were sitting on the sofa around the little babies. One of them was holding little Emma.

I would recognize his unruly curls anywhere and his blue hoodie reminded me of the man I had run into a few minutes ago.

My breath caught in my throat and I did everything I could not to burst into tears.

Lando Norris was standing in front of me.

His smile faded when he saw me and his gaze took my breath away. He looked at me intently as he held little Emma in his arms and his gaze slid down my body.

"I... Uh... My —"

I gasped for breath. It was all suddenly so overwhelming, so damn real and the ground was ripped from under my feet.

"Hi." The Brit smiled openly at me, but the smile made my heart ache even more than it already did. "You're the girl from just now." he stated matter-of-factly as he rocked Emma in his arms to keep her calm.

"Uh, yeah." Toni looked at me, confused, because my voice was suddenly so raspy and broken that it must have sounded strange.

"These are my clothes," he stated, glancing at Toni, looking back at me. "Look good on you." A grin spread across his perfect lips, making tears well up in my eyes even more.

"Excuse me," I cleared my throat, feeling like the ceiling was going to fall on my head. "I'll take Emma and Matty with me then."

My leg ached with every movement I made and I would have tripped if Lando hadn't caught me.

His closeness was unbearable, because it was all my father had ever wanted — and he was denied that wish.

It was taken from me and the chance to get to know Lando was taken from him.

Toni looked at me apologetically as she stood up and took Matty away. I took the little girl from Lando's arms and left the living room with Toni.

Tears that I hadn't noticed were choking my throat and I couldn't get a single word out when I tried to talk to Toni.

"Are you okay?" she asked, gently stroking my arm as I leaned against the wall behind me, clutching my leg with one hand and little Emma in my other arm. I nodded weakly, needing a moment to collect myself.

"I'm sorry. This is all so... unrealistic." The sentence escaped me as no more than a whisper, because I was incapable of anything more.

"I know, Noa. I know." Toni stroked my arm reassuringly, trying to give me a sense of security that had been snatched from me months ago.

"Lando is... your nephew." I realized, feeling my breath taken away again and the realization broke my heart even more.

My father could have met Lando.

He would have had the chance.

"Yes." she said, but the word barely got through to me. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I wanted to protect his privacy." Understanding, I nodded, because I couldn't be angry with her for protecting her nephew.

"I'm sorry that your father didn't have the chance to get to know him. But you have it now, Noa. You can get to know him and tell your father about him when you meet again." Toni smiled lovingly at me, giving me the courage to carry on without knowing it.

I nodded, because what choice did I have?

But how could I ever look at him without thinking about how unfair life was?

The ice-cold eyes of my parents' murderers flashed in my mind's eye and made me wonder why the world was so damn unfair.

I wondered why there were people who murdered other people and could still live with themselves afterwards —

Because they were still alive and this certainty broke dams in me that I was not aware existed.

And suddenly I felt the pain that had been twitching through my leg again, because everything here reminded me of my father.

The last memory I had of him would haunt me forever and hurt me more than I thought was possible.

I could feel Toni pressing my shoulder against the wall to stop me from collapsing into myself and suddenly I was back in her house, and not at the robbery.

"Sorry." I mumbled, holding a hand to my head as I made my way slowly into the little kids' room. I felt the muscles in my thigh tighten and tried not to fall down again.

"Would you like a glass of water?" Antonia asked me after I had sat down on the small couch. I placed Emma on a rolled-up nursing pillow next to me and rubbed my aching temples. "Yes, please."

I knew I could rely on Toni and that she wouldn't tell anyone anything if I didn't want her to.

She came back into the kids bedroom and handed me a large glass of water, which I gratefully accepted as she squatted down in front of me, placed Matty next to his sister and put her hand on my thigh in a motherly way.

"Physical wounds can't heal if you resist them mentally."

I had often benefited from her medical knowledge, but I was slowly starting to feel guilty.

"This scar..." I absent-mindedly stroked the thick scar, which you could clearly feel despite the thick fabric of the jogging bottoms. "It's the only thing I have left of them. I don't want to forget." I admitted honestly, placing my hand on Toni's.

"No one's saying you should forget what happened. But you have to want this healing, Noa. Stop clinging to something that isn't there."

The young woman looked at me lovingly before patting her thighs and then looking at her babies.

"Put them both to bed. Then you can come into the living room if you like." she smiled warmly at me, giving me the chance to get to know Lando and I didn't know if I should take it —

Whether I could cope with looking at him.