𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐕𝐄, lando norris

14 ; the warmth of his eyes

It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and stepped on. It felt heavy with emotions, heavy with things I wanted to say to Lando but couldn't. Because no matter what I said, he would leave me and I would be alone again, I would loose the source of light —

I would loose my person.

Lando grabbed my shoulder and forced me to stop with his grip. I couldn't turn around, I couldn't look at him. Maybe I didn't want him to see me cry, I didn't want to make myself more vulnerable for him than I already was. He was there for me in the worst months of my life, he was there.

"Please," He begged, his voice shaky and uncertain. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know what to do because I didn't want him to touch me anymore. "Let me explain."

I spun around, anger now bubbling up inside me. When Lando saw the hurt expression on my face and the tears in my eyes, he gulped. He didn't like it one bit.

But I didn't care anymore.

"What's there to explain?" I snapped, well knowing that there were other people in the hallway, girls that would have loved to have Lando look at them the way he looked at me. "You're leaving. You didn't want to say goodbye. That's it."

Shrugging my shoulders, I acted like I didn't care.

I did care.

But Lando couldn't know because I played the role to perfection. He couldn't possibly know that he meant everything to me, that I had already let him in in the few months we'd known each other.

"I never planned on leaving you. I will still be there for you." He pleaded, his brows wandering to his hairline. There were tears in his eyes that I hated to see and I didn't understand anything anymore. How could he plan on leaving me and in the next moment, he acted like he cared for me?

"Yeah, sure. Whatever you say." I scoffed, turning around to leave but Lando gripped my arm, pulling me into him. His heart was beating fast, really fast and I could feel his breath on my face before I could feel his soft lips on mine.

Breathless, I kissed him back. My emotions were running in circles, driving me insane. I hated the way my stomach tingled, hated the way Lando pulled me closer to him at my hips, hated the way his hands felt so perfect on them —

As if they belonged on my hips.

Minutes felt like hours and I could feel myself starting to get dizzy as I pulled away from the kiss and let my forehead fall against his. I was speechless. My voice had been taken away from me and they didn't want to give it back to me.

Lando had a smile plastered on his lips that I wanted to kiss again. I needed to feel his lips on mine one more time, just to make sure that this was really happening.

He immediately kissed me back, sighing in satisfaction. I could feel the smile on his lips grow bigger and never wanted to let go of him. I wanted him to stay forever, I wanted this moment to stay forever.

"Noah," Lando interrupted my greedy kisses, placing soft kisses on the corners of my mouth. He wrapped his arms around my waist, bending down to do so. "I will never leave you."

Liar, I thought.

But I didn't say it.

"I know." I smiled, my eyes trained now on his beautiful eyes only. There was green in the blue and blue in the green. It looked almost as if someone took them and dunked them into a color palette with only blue and green.

I loved his eyes, loved the warmth of his eyes, loved the love that his eyes held. I willingly drowned in the colours of his eyes, not wanting to be saved from drowning ever.

Because drowning in his eyes was my favourite thing to do.

"I hate the thought of leaving you here. I would prefer you coming with me. I hate the thought of you being alone because I know you hate to accept help that is given to you and you always decline it. I know that I am the only person you truly trust and I love you for that, but promise me you will talk to your aunt. You can talk to mine, too. I don't care as long as you talk." Lando breathed, laying his head on mine. I sighed as I was rescued from drowning and pulled the young man closer to me. "You can always call me. I don't fucking care about the time difference. I will always answer the call."

It felt like a silent promise that I tried so desperately holding onto, but I knew he couldn't fulfil this promise because he had work to do, because he wasn't always available —

And it was okay, because I knew he would call me back as soon as possible.

"I promise." I cried, my head falling against his chest. Lando pulled me even closer, so close that I could hardly breathe.

He sighed in relief.

But I couldn't keep that promise.

"And you will try to stay sober, okay? For me. You know how much I hate that smell." We let out a laugh at the same time, laughing through our tears. I couldn't promise that because I didn't know if I could make it. I didn't know if I could withstand the urge of smoking and I fucking hated to break promises.

"I will try, but no promises." His features fell and I hated the way he looked so worried.

I knew I would fall back into addiction when Lando would leave because then, I would have no one to tell me what to do.

Jenna had stopped trying and so did Daniel.

"That's fine. Trying sounds great."

"Promise me you will call me every night. We stay in touch. I can't stand the thought of loosing you." I cried again, now sobbing desperately into his shoulder. Lando shushed me, but it couldn't seem to comfort me like it always did.

"I won't be gone for long, darling." He ran his hand through my hair, tussling it between his hands. I let out a laugh, though I didn't feel like laughing. I felt like crying until I couldn't breathe because my mind didn't seem to understand that Lando wasn't leaving —

That he was just going to work, that he would come back to me.

My heart screamed at me for being so damn naive but I couldn't help it. I couldn't help the hope I still clung onto, couldn't help the feelings I was so desperately trying to ignore.

"I will miss you, Lan."

Through teary eyes, I looked at the brunette man. My vision was clouded, but his little beard was so dark that I was able to make it out anyways.

"Okay, I promise to call you every night," He sighed, now laying his hand on my head. His thumb was softly circling on my scalp and I could feel a shiver run down my spine. "And I will miss you too. Very much."

The end was near.

And I hated it.