heavy hearts ↻ na jaemin

❏ thirty-six : : ❜

As soon as the words slips through his lips, the failure of the words to die before they could get out starts gnawing at him at a greater rate. This one thought has crawled up the webs of his mind the moment he abruptly cut the call on her the night before. Although he has gotten quite used to blaming his impulsive actions on, well, impulses, this particular action caused him great embarrassment.

He shouldn't have reacted the way he did, that was way out of line, and not just out of line, it rested where the line wasn't even to be seen. And it was completely unprofessional. He didn't call her to chitchat, that urge of him usually dies down immediately after appearing due to his past actions. Again, actions that he blamed on impulses. The call was for actual work purposes but the way he had a reaction to her simple and harmless answer to his one question makes him want to dig the earth and crawl inside, possibly never coming back out again.

But much to his dismay, the words were out and there was no way he could see out of this except for fainting or faking his death.

Eunseo turns around with the skin between her brows crinkled and for a second he wants to high five himself for not seeing that one look on her face where she looked at people like she couldn't imagine what went wrong with their making. For the moment, she simply looks confused, and that's a good sign; he tells himself.

"Uh, Yunjin," she answers still with the same expression resting on her features, "why?"

A wave of red hot embarrassment flashes through his body and he contemplates making a run for it. The moment he hears her answer, there seems to be a striking clarity hitting him instantly. The realisation of what he dreaded and the realisation of what he let himself be bothered about. He was losing his train of thoughts because of the possibility of who she might have been with and that realisation alone drives him towards denser embarrassment. The revelation of it being so trivial only further encouraged his self pity. "Oh." I'm a pathetic idiot- stays the only thought now circulating his brain.

When he looks back up at her, her interrogatory eyes stay the same and he realises he hasn't actually said why. "I was just," he falls short, not finding a believable excuse when he himself can't bring his head around the fact that he let himself even be bothered about it to begin with. So he does the next smartest thing, changes the route of the conversation. "Did you tell Yunjin about...?" Right, changes the route in a direction any sane person would avoid.

Within seconds, Eunseo's confusion drops from her face and it turns scarily blank. Not even blank in a sense when one person couldn't care less and is genuinely apathetic, but blank in a sense when it was seen that she was actively blocking out every emotion and hiding them from every intruder.

"About what?"

That's a positive route, take it. He tells himself. He doesn't bother saying anything even more pathetic in comparison so he waves his stupidity off instead.