MY DIGITAL DIARY : POETRY, THOUGHTS & JOURNAL ENTRIES PART TWO

silly little thoughts in the last 15 minutes

remember when you told me if I die you die so I slowly drove you away so that if I died you would only be grieving someone you no longer knew.. someone no worth dying for.

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If I'm being real the I don't want to reconnect with you (the only good thing in this life) cause I'll feel guilty if I don't get better, so I'll just say that it's because you're better off without me (both things are probably true)

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I wonder if the one person who loved me the most even loves me anymore

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I hate the saying "I didn't lose a friend, I just realised I never had one" because no you did have a friend at the time in a lot of cases.. things just change.. not all friendships last forever.. in my case none do but that's irrelevant.. I once had a friend okay

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every time I see a post on social media or a piece of writing where someone is portraying being hurt by someone else.. I feel that.. in the way that I'm the one causing the hurt.. maybe I am a bad person

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when I realised everyone was on drugs I questioned if I was making my life harder for not doing so myself .. I do everything right and my health is still shit so who am I to judge .. but what if I regret it? .. but what if I never feel peace? Wait is life just about suffering? Who are we if we are not suffering?

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you know things are rough when u go from spending ur days missing them to spending ur days just tryna keep yourself alive :,) ... never mind I'm back to missing them
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I wonder how long someone can stay at rock bottom this has got to be a record... I hope it doesn't end my life this way

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I actually did some uni prep for tomorrow so I'm kinda proud of that I guess

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when 2018 me saw ballpark music live for the 10 billionth time and proudly screamed to the lyrics of sad rude future dude "I haven't had a friend in years, I only have sex with myself" .. little did I realise I did not at all relate to the song at that time as I had many friends and was having sex with not just myself but rather I was just manifesting a future where these lyrics became so true and that is just so unfortunate

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*cries*

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why am I not a nepo baby ....

I'll even take being a depressed nepo baby cos at least I can afford my groceries and a trip to the dentist that way...

I'm probably going to be a nepo baby in the next life ....
or maybe a nepo ant and then some bitch is going to step on me before I'm even 1 year old and it will never have been worth it

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okay I'm going to stop writing my random thoughts now LMAO goodnight