2nd April 2024
Today I feel both physically and mentally wrecked.
I know it's so stupid but I want to turn back time at least to 2016 or 2017 so badly. I don't even care that I was so unwell then, I felt less guilty over it then than now. Now I feel stupid for struggling this much and have no friends lol. While I did used to feel guilty that I was unwell and wanted to rid myself of all friends back then , at least I didn't feel guilty for the time I was wasting - now im so incredibly aware of the time I am wasting as my life has already begin. I also can't believe I didn't want friends before because this is just another version of hell. I used to stupidly think they all hated me despite still being my friend and now I know they do, at least enough to not be my friend. I don't want to live this way anymore but I don't want to look like this either :/ idk what to do. Cause my hell is wrecked in other ways and im secretly ruining it even more in a way that no one realises cause these days I look more healthy than I once did. Ugh. At the same time things are alright. I'm okay. But when I stop to think about it, I really do want to be living a life again and I have no support in helping me to achieve that other than myself. My family's perception of health is warped and they've known me mentally unwell for so long that they think I am happy. No friends to help otherwise and no professional support regarding this specifically - it's all my own fault tho :/
Anyways im gonna stop complaining to the wattpad void and go back on tumblr now LOL
YOU ARE READING
MY DIGITAL DIARY : POETRY, THOUGHTS & JOURNAL ENTRIES PART TWO
Non-FictionHI LOVELIES <3 Welcome to the continuation of my first book "Poetry, Thoughts & Journal Entries" where I write at least something, no matter how mediocre, every single day! Feel free to go back & read or comment on any entries within my first book...
