⌞ always the angel, never a god ⌝

⌞ thirty : two... ⌝

( mentions of abuse and drinking )

_

"Your uncle is out of surgery. You are allowed to see him now." 

_

I had been sitting here since the doctor told me I was allowed to visit Jules. I didn't have the heart to correct him to say that Jules was my godfather and in the long run, it didn't really matter. Who the doctor thought he was didn't matter as long as he woke up. 

In the hours that I had been sitting here, the grid had started a schedule on who was watching me. It went in two-hour shifts. Each person would try to get me to eat something but I would always say no. The thought of eating made me want to throw up. 

I looked up from my hands to see Kimi enter the room. He nodded at me. I liked it when Kimi was on shift. He didn't force me to talk or smile like nothing was wrong. He just sat there. It made the time here easier. 

"Eilulia?" 

"Hm?" 

"Lewis said to let you know that your family would be here soon." 

I nodded and that was the end of everything. My mind was running and time had become something I had lost track of. The only thing that kept me focused was the changing of who was watching me. Or when the nurses would come in to check on him. 

I looked up at Jules. He looked like he was sleeping and I would have believed he was if it wasn't for the cuts over his face. And the fact that he was in a hospital bed. I had tried to reach for his hand multiple times but every time I got close, something stopped me. Maybe it was the guilt, maybe it was the fear that if I did anything it would mess up everything again. 

_

"Oh, Lily... why are you crying, fleur?" 

I looked up at him, sniffling. I had fallen off the curb when I was trying to play with Charlie and his friends. They had left me behind. I looked down at my knee which was still bleeding. Jules noticed and sucked at his teeth before coming to sit down next to me. 

"Where's Charles?" 

"With his friends.." 

Jules sighed. "Well, let's get you cleaned up." 

I held up my hands and Jules picked me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tucking my face into his neck to hide the fact that I was crying. He didn't try to stop me, just holding me and rubbing my back as we walked back up the stairs to the flat. 

We got into the kitchen and he sat me down on the counter, walking away to get the first aid kit. The countertop was cold compared to the sidewalk outside. The summer sun had warmed it enough that it would burn if you sat long enough. 

"I have race car bandaids or flower ones. What are we feeling?" 

"Uh- flowers." 

"Wonderful choice as always, my dear." 

I smiled, wiping under my nose. Jules was soft about it, taking a cool cloth to wipe off the blood and grime from the street before putting on the bandaid. He leaned down and kissed my knee, right over the bandaid and I giggled. 

"All better?" 

"All better." 

_

"Lu?" 

I looked up to see Lewis standing at the door. It couldn't have been two hours already, no way. But then I saw that Kimi was still sitting in his seat and I looked down at my watch. I don't know why I did it, I didn't know the time when Kimi had walked in. I wouldn't know what time it was now.