⌞ always the angel, never a god ⌝

⌞ thirty-seven : fresh starts ⌝

" Fight for everything you deserve and don't let them force you out of that spotlight. "

_

I sat looking at that letter for longer than I wanted. I must have started crying because Lewis had come to sit next to me, rubbing circles on my back. I couldn't get myself to look away from it, the words playing over and over in my mind. I could hear his voice and that was the worst part. That sweet and soft French, over and over. The little inflections he did when he was trying not to cry, the love in his voice when he called me Lily. 

God, I wished I had never told him to stop calling me Lily. Stupid teenager stuff, trying to make it seem like I wasn't a little girl anymore. I would give the world just to hear him call me Lily again. Anything in the world. 

"Miss Eilulia?" 

I looked up to see the lawyer. He offered me a polite smile and I wiped my eyes. "Yes?" 

"You are the sole beneficiary of everything to Mr. Bianchi's name." 

I paused, my mind still not fully present. "I'm sorry, what does that mean?" 

"The flat in Monte Carlo, the cars, all his money; all of that goes to you." 

I looked up to see Charlie standing in the corner. He had been crying from whatever his letter said but there was only anger in his eyes now. I forced my eyes away from his, back toward the lawyer. 

"All of it?" 

"Yes, Miss." 

"But I'm not eighteen... I'm confused." 

He chuckled. "Your Godfather was a smart man. He found a loophole. You can receive all of it, and live on your own. All you have to do is sign this paper." 

I took the paper he gave me, and in big bold letters at the top was the word; emancipation. I looked up at Lewis and he smiled, giving me a coy shrug. 

"This was added to the will last minute. He had the paper for a while and apparently, your father has already signed it. All you need to do is sign and everything is yours." 

There was no way that Father signed this. As much as he wanted to get rid of me, that meant he didn't have anyone to push around anymore. Mother, sure, but I couldn't leave her like that. She didn't deserve it, any more than I did. But this was what I wanted. Freedom. 

Before I could fully decide, Charlie was next to me and took the paper out of my hands. 

"Hey!" 

He walked a few steps away as I stood up to grab the paper back from him. I didn't try to fight with him then, knowing that he would give it back when he was done. I watched as he read over everything, eyes lingering on Father's signature. 

"This is real?" 

"Yes, Mr. Leclerc." 

He handed the paper back to me and I looked up at Lewis. "Do you have a pen?" 

He smiled and handed it to me, I signed it as quickly as I could, handing it back to the lawyer. With a smile and a handshake, I was given the keys to the flat. 

"Come on, let's get you home." 

_

I stood at the door to the flat, my hands shaking. I wanted to be back here so bad but now that I was... I didn't know if I had the strength to go in. 

"Take your time." 

The entire grid had gone with me, knowing that it would be a hard time. They had also gone home with me after the funeral to get all my things. Lewis knew that with all of them there, Father couldn't pull anything. It hurt to take all my stuff from that room. As much as I hated that house, my room had been the only safe place in that house. But I did it. 

The flight was long. All my thoughts were going in circles. Picturing how Arty looked at me when he saw me grabbing all my stuff, the anger that Charlie held for me, Lore and his blank-faced expressions, and how happy Mother looked as I left the house. I felt like I was no longer a Leclerc and I don't think I hated that realization.

Sighing, I put the key into the door and unlocked it. I pushed the door open before I lost my moment of courage. The sunlight coming in from the open curtains momentarily blinded me but I blinked it away as I set my bags down. Nothing had changed. Everything was exactly as I remembered it and the smell... God, it smelled like him. 

I blinked back my tears, clearing my throat before turning to the grid. "Just set the boxes down and I'll unpack everything later." 

They nodded and started to bring up the boxes. I took my bag to my room, unpacking what I would need for the night. If I told myself that I was just unpacking for another stay, I could almost trick myself into believing that he was just out at the store, getting whatever we needed for dinner. But that wasn't the truth. I was going to be alone in this house by the end of the night. 

The grid had to go, they had another race. All of them had apologized about it but I promised them it was fine. Jules had trusted me enough and now, in the eyes of the law, I was an adult. And adults lived in flats alone. They handled everything. 

"Lu?" 

I looked up from the shirt I had been absent-mindedly folding. Lewis was standing in the doorway, looking at me with something I couldn't quite place. We hadn't talked about my black-eye but there had been an understanding from the both of us. He couldn't do anything about it and I was finally out of that space. 

"Yes?"

"We have to go now, love." 

I nodded, putting my shirt down. "Right, yes." 

He gave me a weak smile, taking my hand as I caught up with him. Everyone was standing around my boxes, mirroring Lewis's smile. No one wanted to leave me alone but they couldn't just... not race.  They had jobs to do and would come to visit. 

I let go of Lewis's hand, walking over to Jenson first. His arms were already open and the hug was calm, nothing chaotic as he always was. The air was thick with whatever emotion each person was feeling but no one was going to say anything about it. No words needed to be said at this point, it would be repetitive. 

He let go and pressed his forehead against mine before letting me go to Kimi. He hugged me harder than I expected but I welcomed it. It wasn't often that Kimi opted to be emotional so I took all of it like I had won Le Mans. He ruffled my hair before pushing me toward Seb. 

Seb just looked at me before pulling me into a hug, lifting me off the ground as my arms wrapped around his neck. We stayed like that for a bit before he put me on the floor, not fullying letting go until I did. He took both of my hands, kissing the tops of them with a wink. 

I smiled and ran over to Nico who had been hanging back. He caught me and held me tighter than anyone. I wondered if he was as scared of goodbyes as I was. It felt like it, neither of us wanting to let go. He had quickly become a father to me and I didn't know how I was going to be without him. Sure, I had calls and texts but it wasn't the same as having him here. 

"Love." 

Nico sighed and let me go, pushing me towards Lewis with a kiss on my forehead. Lewis chuckled at him before I walked into his arms. It wasn't a tight hug but it was the most comforting one. There was something about Lewis, I had found it in Jules too, that felt like home. Soul ties or some shit. I didn't care for the explanation, all I knew was no matter what, I would find comfort in him. 

He pulled away, knowing that he would have to be the one to break the hug. Running a thumb across my cheek, he smiled. 

"We'll come visit soon, I promise." 

I nodded, not being able to find my voice as they all walked out. I watched them get in their cars from the window, waiting until I couldn't see them anymore. I slid to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. I was alone. Fully alone. And for the first time since that first night after the hospital, I cried. 

________________________________________________________________________________

a/n: sorry that took so long, i was listening to the new taylor album and decoding it with my bestie. i was (totally) not listening to it while writing this chapter. speaking of music, the playlist will come out soon so yay! as always, love it or don't :p