Our Hearts as One

Ted: Part 8

I walked to my car with a tight pain in my chest. I flashed back to a last week when I threatened Johan and felt like the air was sucked out of my lungs. I leaned against my car and took deep breaths. I hadn't felt so suffocated since that anxiety attack I got when I was 10. I got in the car and rested my head against the seat. What was my problem? To that I had no idea. I put the car into reverse and backed out into the parking lot. I usually waited until traffic let up but I was in a rush to get home and I barely knew why. I kept thinking back to his quiet voice when he said "You think I would tutor you after this?" He looked so helpless and defensive at the same time and I don't know what came over me, it was like the serious urge to punch him repetitively. I had to restrain myself and let him go. I slammed my hand on the steering wheel and hated myself. I may bully him-which I'm not proud of-but I've never hurt him like that before. It mainly consisted of shoving him into lockers and all. After that punch I could feel the horror at watching him gasping for air like that but I didn't stop. I was never that violent before in my life. God I was disgusted with myself. Look at that. A week later and I was still driving myself nuts over it. I did take the French test yesterday, and I thought back to that moment.

I had just left French when he came up to me. "Did you pass?" He looked down at the ground or past my head-anything but my face.

"Yeah." I said stiffly. I stepped around him, my hands curling into fists and walked away.

"Wait! Can you at least tell me what you got?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes then turned slowly around. "I got a 98 percent." Then I tried to walk away again.

"Well Jesus, you're welcome. I didn't have to take that time to tutor you." He said, obviously not remembering what I said last week. I turned around glaring at him. I stalked toward him with angrily, well I least I thought the feeling was anger. I grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him to the ground, pausing when I heard him cry out. I wanted him to fight back but as always he didn't.

"I'll say thank you when I feel like it." I said shoving my hands in my pockets before I made matters worse. I wanted to... pick him up of the for and make sure he was over which terrified me.

I was brought back to the present when it started raining and I realized I took a wrong turn. I signed and back up heading home the right way. I pulled up at my front door and ran inside as the rain has started pouring. I walked into the lobby and into the elevator, ignoring the greetings that were thrown my way. When the elevator opened up into our penthouse I walked into the living room and fell on the couch.

"Suzie!" I yelled.

The petite lady came running into the room.

"Yes s-sir?" She asked.