Lost + Found [Bucky Barnes] ✓

Chapter 20

A laugh is the first thing that bubbles up from my lips. Bucky smirks, his arm wrapped securely around my waist, and it's that simple gesture that warps the laughter into tears. I bury my face in his shoulder as sobs shake my body, keeping my face turned away from him so he can't see my weakness.

"Chloe," he whispers, lifting his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, "What is it? What's wrong?"

I shake my head and realize that I'm still on top of Bucky, my tears falling onto the bare skin of his shoulder, so I begin to scramble to my feet. Using my forearms to push myself upright, Bucky moves with me. His hand catches my wrist before I'm able to stand, and I freeze. I don't want to look at him. I don't want him to see my tears, my frustration.

"You can trust me," Bucky urges.

His thumb brushes the back of my hand, shooting electricity up my arm, and I settle back onto the ground. My knees fold up to my chest, and I wrap my right arm tightly around them before resting my cheek my legs. I don't move my other hand from the floor, unwilling to break contact with Bucky just yet, and I exhale slowly.

"I'm scared," I admit. Immediately Bucky tenses next to me, so I turn to face him - grabbing his hand before he can pull away - and interlace our fingers. "No...not like that. Not of you."

"Oh," he replies, his blue eyes burning a hole into the floor.

I drop his hand like it's on fire, wrapping my other arm around my legs, and I can feel my cheeks burning. Oh, how grateful I am that he can't see it through my complection.

"Everything is happening so fast," I find myself telling him. "My abilities, finding out the truth about my father, Ari...I, um...I miss my sister. I'm scared about what's happening, I'm scared for her, I'm scared..."

My voice trails, and I take a deep breath before continuing, "...I'm scared of myself."

"Hey," Bucky's voice is quiet, and he awkwardly pats my the small of my back as I burst into a fresh wave of tears.

Clearly he is uncomfortable with my display of emotions, then again - so am I - but he sits with me, silently listening as I sob. His hands never moves from my back, and the warm, heavy weight reminds me that I am not alone. The thought pulls me back into myself, and I remind myself to be stronger. To hold it together. I hate the fact that I'm burdening Bucky with my tears, but somehow his hand on my back causes me to melt further into a puddle of tears.

"I've killed people," I babble. "I killed that woman with my bare hands."

Bucky frowns, "Hey, it's okay. You were defending yourself. You did what you had to do."

"Kill her?" I shake my head. "I...I killed two men. When I found out about my abilities, that's how it happened."

"Chloe..." he slides his hand to my forearm and squeezes it reassuringly, wordlessly telling me that I can stop if I want to. That I don't have to share this painful memory.

I blink away fresh tears, "They, um...they mugged me. One of them tried to, uh...he tried to..."

Losing the words, I glance at Bucky to see his blue eyes have grown cold and hard. His face is rigid, the muscles of his jaw clenched tightly, as he stares back at me. A ripple of emotion crosses behind his eyes, unrecognizable, and his face softens. It's almost as if a light has turned on inside of him, and - reflexively - he pulls me into his chest. No longer awkward or uncomfortable, the shell of the Winter Soldier attempting to appear sympathetic to a strange sobbing girl falls away, and Bucky allows his instincts to kick in as he comforts me while I cry.

"We'll find your sister," he murmurs into my hair. "I won't let them hurt you again."

Although his tone is quiet, I recognize a knife-like quality to his words as they cut through the air. He means them, I realize, and he is dead set on following through on his word. It surprises me for a moment, until it hits me. Bucky is the only person who can possibly understand how I'm feeling. How I'm afraid of myself. Afraid of what I might do to people. Afraid that I might hurt those I love.

That's why he went under the ice. He was regaining himself - the laughing, flirty, gentle-hearted man with sparkling blue eyes - until they found him again. He lost control, again, becoming the weapon he hated. The machine. He was afraid of letting that happen - of hurting more people - so he chose to suspend his life rather than take the risk.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, struggling to compose myself once more. "I, um..." A giggle slips from my lips, mixed with a sob, and I smile as I pull away from him. "This isn't the first time I've cried to you, but it is the first time I've soaked you with my tears."

Bucky smiles, "I know."

My eyes grow wide, and he chuckles, "Steve told me. Said....well....he said I should be careful with you."

"Did he now?" I ask, lifting an eyebrow as I attempt to fix my appearance. "What else did Steve say?"

"He said we might be good for each other," Bucky replies, his clear blue eyes staring back at me with alarming honesty. "Said you might need me."

*****
AUTHOR'S NOTE

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