Double Crossbow (Daryl Dixon) [The Walking Dead]

Chapter 39 ↣ Are you gonna win your war?

"Monsters are real, ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes they win."

— Stephen King

↣ ↢

Kathryn

DESPITE THE FACT that I knew it was a hopeless cause, I stared at the foreign ceiling, willing myself to sleep. It had been a few days since...everything, and I'd only slept a handful of hours each day. It was a cold night and the cement walls did nothing to keep any heat inside. Shivers suddenly wracked my body, causing me to grab for the blanket. As I pulled it higher over myself, a flash of blue met my eyes. My heart began to hammer in my chest, and with a frustrated growl, I kicked the blue blanket to the floor. I took a deep breath and forced myself to calm the fuck down. I was fine.

It's none of my business, but fine people don't normally freak out over a color.

Like you even know what fine means.

I could say the same to you. Tell me, Kat, did you feel fine with him? Like you were a little less...broken?

"Shut up," I growled aloud. The sound of my voice was still slurred.

Poor, Kat, all alone with the shattered remains of herself yet again. Left to pick up the pieces. Let me ask you this, Darling, is it worth it? Why try to fix something that's broken beyond repair? He saw the truth. He saw that you weren't worth his time. That's the real reason he left, and you know it. He saw his chance, and he took it. I applaud him really. I wish I would've taken my chance when I had it to get rid of you.

A lump had formed in the back of my throat. I tried to swallow, but my throat was like sandpaper. My breaths were rapid and shallow, causing my ribs to groan in pain. I tried to slow the breaths, but nothing changed. As I slowly sat up, my head shrieked and the ringing returned to my ears.

I told you he'd notice someday. He'd see you for the piece of shit you are. Why should he have to cut himself on your shattered edges? Why would you ask him to take on a burden such as yourself?

Shut up! I get it, okay? You have made your point clear. I made a mistake. It won't happen again.

You didn't make a mistake, Kat. Your existence is the mistake. What has your life brought? Death.

I blinked rapidly, trying to prevent the sudden welling tears from spilling over onto my cheeks.

We didn't ask for you. Oh, but Lyn was so excited when that test came back positive... What happened next, Kat? Huh?

I bit down on my hand to silence the sobs that were trying to escape. There wasn't a day that passed that I didn't think about her.

He had it right. How much longer until your existence took something vital from him? Surely one day there would've been a time when you'd fuck up his life too. Afterall, history repeats itself. Put yourself back behind that wall so you can no longer do any damage.

As a realization dawned on me, I dropped my hand and wiped away the one tear that had escaped. The wall was already up. Higher and thicker than it had ever been. I felt it. The coldness that now was seeded deep inside my chest, the emptiness. It was where I belonged. I thrived in the cold and the empty. I had before I met this group, and I could return just as easily. No one could go anywhere near me now.

I was ripped from my thoughts as a soft cry met my ears. I didn't even feel the pain as my head whipped to the doorway of the cell, and I rose to my feet. Shuffling into the hallway, I heard it once more. It was quiet, the start of a tantrum. I could prevent this from becoming the start of a war if I could get to her in time.