Permafrost [COMPLETED]

Levi

I look back at Katie and grab her hand, tears still running down her scarlet cheeks.

"It's gonna be okay, I promise." But was it? I didn't know.

I squeezed her hand and pulled her closer to me, the side of her face touching my shoulder.

I don't think either one of us will ever recover after watching Dylan die right before our very eyes.

And not to mention having to shoot Noah again after he's already been shot once.

God, that absolutely killed me.

"I feel like a bad luck charm." I whisper to Kate who is blowing on her hands to find some sort of warmth.

"Why is that?" She breathes out of chattering teeth and I laugh softly, trying to wrap my jacket tighter around myself.

The temperature has definitely dropped a few degrees since this morning, the line of blue vibrant against Katie's usual red velvet lips.

"Every time someone dies, I seem to be right in the middle of it." The words fall off my tongue in slow motion. The very words that I've been thinking about ever since I lost Noah the first time.

"You're not a bad luck charm, Levi." She sighs, looking down at her feet as we keep walking.

"But think about it," I tell her. "I was dumb enough to leave Noah there in the middle of the Reepers all by himself. I was only thinking about me getting out in one piece. I convinced myself that there was somehow a way that we could go back for him. But somewhere deep, deep, deep down I knew something was gonna happen." Katie doesn't say anything. "And I'm the one who was at the house when Benny stopped breathing. And I felt like I had to bury him. Like it was my fault. And being out here, completely exposed, being absolutely scared out of my mind? I still have to act like I know what I'm doing. And not being 100% focused and calm, is why I feel like this whole thing just isn't for me." I clench my jaw and press my thumb against my right eyebrow to stop the shooting pain. "I was responsible for both of you. And Dylan died under my watch because I was too caught up in thinking about why the hell I'm even here." The pain increases so much that I can feel it in my head. "Hell, I just had to shoot Noah in the goddamn head so he didn't kill you. Because he's not used to it yet but he's gonna learn real soon that the only way to survive being a killing machine is by ripping people's skin of their bodies."

"First of all, don't you dare put the blame on yourself, Levi. Okay?" She made me look at her and I nodded. "Second of all, how do you know what the infected people are becoming??"

"My dad was one of the ones that Bradley told about his plan." I say, my voice hollow as we keep walking, my feet feeling heavier and heavier as I take a step.

"And your just saying this now!?" Her voice gets high and squeaky as her brain processes this information over and over.

"Katie, I'm sorry I didn't saying anything. It's just, I didn't want to be looked at differently. I didn't want to feel everyone's eyes when I walked in the room. I didn't want that pressure of everyone knowing what my father was. I was afraid that everyone would see him in me."

Katie stops and makes me face her.

"Don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself because of your father. You're Levi, the bravest, most daring, most badass, strongest person I know and if anyone tells you differently then I'll punch them in the face. You're Levi frickin Morris and you're the best one that you can be."

I stop everything for a second and stare at her.

Maybe that's what I've needed to hear all along.