Crescendo

Chapter 13

Soundtrack for this chapter:
First—Cold War Kids*
When You Were Young—The Killers*
Can't Help Falling in Love—Ingrid Michaelson (cover)

13

Jules

Theo and I ordered far too much food at Aroy. Massive plates of satay, steamed dumplings, Pad Thai, and tamarind duck filled the center of our table. A few times, my eyes caught the bright yellow hue of the daffodils Theo brought for me, and each time I was reminded of the fact that after Will and I were married, he never once brought home flowers.

My parents and Will were still the main obstacles blocking my way to a real relationship with Theo; I didn't feel like it was fair to him to allow him to call me his girlfriend, or for me to call him my boyfriend, when I was technically still married. Even so, I felt like I was too deep to reveal to him that I was still married. He'd learn I'd been dishonest with him, and I worried that he would only look at it like I had led him on under false pretenses, like I wasn't serious about building something with him, or like I didn't care about his feelings. I cared about his feelings more than I cared about my own; that was precisely why I couldn't tell him.

Something happened to Theo in his past, something massive. I hadn't yet figured it out, but there was a deep pain behind his eyes at times, and I was still of the firm belief that ignorance was bliss, and what he didn't know couldn't hurt him any further.

When it was time to settle our check with the waiter, Theo didn't protest when I took out my wallet and asked if we could split the bill; that meant more to me than he could ever know. With my parents holding such heavy control over money that was once mine, and with Will constantly reminding me I'd never be able to afford the legal battle he'd be sure to pursue, handling my own money, the money I made purely from my own work, was something that was of the utmost importance to me. I'd never let someone control my finances again.

Theo slipped an arm around my shoulders as we walked from the restaurant to his car. It was cold in the crisp October air, but Theo was more than enough to keep me warm.

"I'm excited to see you play tonight. It'll be a different experience now that I know you."

"I'm excited for you to hear what we have to play. You were kind of my muse for some of the songs selections I sent the guys."

"Just 'kind of'?" I nudged him with my shoulder.

"Didn't want to inflate your ego too much. But you already know how often I think of you, Jules."

Before he opened my door, Theo let his head hover over mine, his lips so close I could almost feel the energy and desire bouncing back and forth between us. There was a question forming in his mind, but I didn't wait for him to ask it.

I closed the little space that was left between us and let the overwhelming emotions that coursed my veins when I was with him lead my movements. His mouth worked against mine in the sweetest way as his hands caressed the sides of my face, and my own hands came to rest on his hips. I felt a slight sting build in the very back of my eyes, and in my heart I knew that that was what real love felt like. The thought both terrified and excited me, and rather than dwell on what I was supposed to be feeling, I just let myself feel, and it felt more right than anything else I'd ever done.

"I..." shoved the words back down my throat. Not yet, Jules. Too soon.

With one last sweep of his thumbs over my cheekbones, Theo's lips set a final kiss on my forehead before opening my car door.

He drove us to a bar called Lounge 32 down in Back Bay. It was a swanky little place decked out with red velvet booths and moody lighting. A massive stage was set to the left of the bar, and beyond a small standing area were a few high tops. When we walked in, my eyes were drawn to a couple sitting at one of those tables; the woman had long auburn hair, and the man could've been mistaken for Theo.