Crescendo

Chapter 21

Soundtrack for this chapter:
Scars—James Bay
Between the Devil & the Deep Blue Sea—XYLØ
Whatever it Takes—Imagine Dragons

21

Jules

I had no one. My life in Boston was beginning to mimic my life in Savannah. I had no one.

I knew I was at fault for not telling Theo the truth. I'd known that lying to him from the onset of our relationship ran a huge risk. Yet, somehow, I thought I'd be able to keep it up until I signed all of the papers. And I'd been so close. Why I kept that ridiculous invitation, I'd never know.

I felt utterly hopeless. I couldn't miss my flight because at the first notice of me not on my way to Savannah, Will would've been on his way to Boston. I couldn't even bring myself to text Theo. Neither of us were in a good space, and a conversation, if you could call it that, at that point would have done nothing but add fuel to the fire.

Something in me kept this hope that if I went down to Savannah, signed the papers, and flew back, Theo would understand. He would see why I needed to keep everything from him, why I needed to do it on my own. I just needed him to give me the chance to explain.

I fell asleep the night Theo left me with a new tightness in my chest; every strained breath reminded me of him.

***

In the morning, I didn't bother with makeup. I didn't bother with dressing beyond yoga pants and a Parnassus sweatshirt. I had no one to impress in Savannah.

The entire cab ride to the airport I toyed with the idea of telling the driver to turn around and take me to Theo; part of me hated that I allowed myself to get so attached to him so quickly. What kind of woman was I who couldn't stand on her own?

I sucked the threatening tears back into my eyes and readied myself for the reckoning I was about to face. I was going to have to put on the best show of my life for the next few days, and I didn't even have my guitar to get me through it.

Seconds after I checked into my flight and made my way to security, I felt a small vibration in the pocket of my sweatshirt. My heart skipped a moment, hoping, praying, that it was Theo, that I was being given some sign that everything between us would be alright.

But it wasn't. I'd replaced Will's name with the little red devil emoji, and he was smiling at me on my screen. A shuddering breath filled my lungs before my thumb swiped open the message.

"Glad to see you're all checked in and ready to board. It would've been a real nightmare to have to come all the way up there to get you."

Grandma Jane had been the only person in my family who ever truly had my best interests, my own feelings, at heart, and she hated swear words with more passion than should be afforded them, and it was for her sake that I didn't scream a long line of obscenities at my phone in the middle of the airport.

There was this sickening feeling trapped in the pit of my stomach, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the blow up I had with Theo the night before. But I refused to let Will scare me. He would hold no power over me any longer. Neither would my parents.

My fear was that I'd slip back under their control, that their words and threats that I'd been able to ignore for over a year would claw their ways back under my skin and pull me once again into their warped sense of reality where I mattered not in the least.

When the security guard made me take off the St. Michael medallion I'd strung on an old chain and place it in one of those little cups to go through the x-ray machine, I remembered that Will had been the one to give me the necklace that chain had come with. That was one loaded, albeit unintentional, metaphor right there. But I'd take a metaphor over foreshadowing any time.