Crescendo

Chapter 14

Soundtrack for this chapter:
Desperado—Eagles
The Rock Show—Blink 182
The Perfect Drug—Nine Inch Nails

14

Theo

I had the most incredible date planned for Jules. She'd made this comment the first night I met her about how fall in Boston was better than fall in Savannah and I knew the perfect place to take her. After we decided we'd stick to weekends early on in whatever the fuck we were (because I still wasn't quite sure the extent of our relationship) I knew I wanted to ensure that each moment we spent together was meaningful. I felt the walls crumbling around me; I felt hers coming down, too. I wanted to show her that we could be more than just a casual relationship.

I got it, well, sort of; I tried to understand her fear of putting a label on us. If I'd been married, if I'd had to go through the process of divorce, I'd probably be weary of entering into something really serious as well. She'd only been in Boston a little over a year; things were still fresh for her. But I wanted so badly to call her mine and have her do the same with me. I was in far over my head with her, and somehow I knew that whatever ride we were going to take together would likely be the most insane of my life, save all the shit that happened when I was twenty-two, but still—she made me both excited and scared, happy and nervous; she made me question both my sanity and the depth of feelings I didn't realize I could have for someone outside of my family. She made me feel too many things all at once, but I wouldn't have changed a single moment I'd had with her.

Midway through the week, as I was driving home from a twelve hour shift, my phone buzzed in the center console cup holder. Against my better judgement (though I did wait until I was stopped at a traffic light), I picked it up to see a text from Jules asking if she could come over.

Before the light turned, I set it to speaker and called her.

"Couldn't get through a few days without me, huh?" My lips strained with a grin.

She cleared her throat. "Oh, um, I can take the T—"

Something wasn't right; not only did she not laugh at my joke, but she sounded off.

"Shit, sorry Jules. I didn't realize—you know, I don't have work tomorrow, and I'm already driving. Why don't I just come to your apartment?"

She shuffled something in the background. "I don't want to inconvenience you."

"You're not. I'm on my way. See you soon."

"Bye, T." And she hung up.

The entire ride over, the hairs on my arms stood on end, and I had to work to maintain a clear head. At times my mind could be my own worst enemy; the amount I cared about Jules' physical well-being was unsettling.

I parked in the visitor's lot closest to her building and rummaged around in my backseat for a t-shirt. I found two; one of them was passable for wearing in her presence.

When I approached the doors to her building, someone just let me in; I assumed it was because of my uniform and not because the guy was stupid enough to let a stranger into a secure building; I mean, I'm not a psychopath, but he didn't know that. Jules wouldn't be safe there with these assholes letting in random strangers off the street, and I had a fleeting moment of thinking I should say something to the guy, but Jules needed me, and I wasn't going to keep her waiting.

I don't know why but instead of my hand forming a fist and knocking on her door, it went straight for the handle and turned it; you could imagine my surprise when it opened without resistance.

I pushed the shock at her leaving her door unlocked into the back of my head when I saw her; she was sitting on one of the stools at her counter, a mug of hot liquid raising steam to her face. When she picked up her head and saw me, she ran a hand over the right half of her face and then through her hair; she looked absolutely drained.