Crescendo

Chapter 18

Soundtrack for this chapter:
We Are Young—FUN
My Hero— Foo Fighters
Faint—Linkin Park

18

Theo

As I followed Aiden out into the yard, I could see his body working through the nerves he was feeling.

Mom and dad's yard had been the setting of countless fights, games of catch, and tearful goldfish burials. Looking out at it that Thanksgiving morning, the trees, their leaves now shades of orange and yellow, surrounded the perimeter, and mom's garden took up over a third of the space. Aiden sat down at the bench our grandfather, the one on mom's side, had built a few years before he died. We often used that bench as a place for reflection, and it seemed our use for it that Thanksgiving was going to be no different.

Even though I told Jules I didn't want to rehearse anything, all I could do was try to think of what Aiden might say first. When he finally spoke up, I'll admit I was taken a little off guard.

"I'm sorry for saying the things I said to you last night. I shouldn't have thrown your choice to serve our country back at you like that." He kept his eyes locked on the grass the entire time.

A sigh released from my chest. "It's okay. You were angry and—"

"Don't make an excuse for me, T. You were right last night. I need to get it together. I just...I don't know. I see how much success you and Dan and Mary, and even Erin already have. How can I compete with that?"

He finally picked his head up and looked at me. There was fear in his eyes, genuine fear of disappointing someone.

"There's no one you have to compete with. You're only a few months out of college. Things will fall into place. Besides, you're working for one of the best marketing firms in Boston. How could you feel like that's not good enough?"

He didn't say anything. Instead, he turned his eyes back to the ground.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Apparently we were moving on in the conversation. But I didn't know how to approach his question. I wished mom or dad was there to take the fall.

"I don't have a good answer for that. I guess there was never a moment where I thought it would be a good time. It's...it's obviously not something I aim to bring up. I've been internally dealing with it for seven years. Talking about it out loud brings back too many memories."

"Am I the only one in our entire family who didn't know what happened?"

"Erin doesn't know either. You have to understand, Aiden. You two were still in high school when it happened. Mom and dad didn't think you needed the whole story."

"I get it. I feel like if I knew though, I don't know, maybe things would've been put into perspective."

I stifled a laugh. "You still knew I was shot, that I was recovering in a hospital on another continent, that I was bound to have some shit to deal with when I came home."

Again, he didn't say anything, and I hoped he was at least processing everything in his head.

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad, really. I've learned a lot since I was your age. You will too."

He turned his head back up to look at me. "You going to tell Erin?"

"Yeah. Not today, but I will. Soon."

Aiden and I stood from grandpa's bench at the same time, and when I made a move to clap him on the shoulder, he pulled me into a brotherly hug; instinctively my arms went around him, but I realized I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually hugged him.