Crescendo

Chapter 16

*Trigger warning: mention of suicide present.

Soundtrack for this chapter:
True Love Waits—Radiohead
Bittersweet Symphony—The Verve
Try Not to Breathe—R.E.M.

16

Theo

In the weeks following Jules officially calling herself my girlfriend (something I'd hoped for since the night she came home with me), I noticed a slight change in her. Something about her was different; there was an air of confidence about her I hadn't seen before, a note of assuredness in her voice. I wasn't entirely sure what had changed with her, and I didn't want to be so fucking arrogant as to think it had anything at all to do with me, but I was finally getting to see a side of Jules I knew was locked deep within her, and I was falling more in love with her every day.

Love.

Jules had the power to turn me into an absolute sap. I'd never cared for someone like I cared for her. I'd never wanted to make someone as happy as I wanted to make her, not even mom. I wanted to be better for her.

But even with that thought in mind, I still couldn't bring myself to divulge everything about myself to her. I locked her out of my mind constantly; the moment she asked a question, one I knew was being asked because of her counselor background, I'd shy away, close myself off. Part of me feared she'd look at me differently, like she'd look at me as if I were someone who was broken and never properly fixed.

Yet that was one of the aspects of her that attracted me to her in the first place. I knew that if anyone could understand, it would be her. She could help me. She could put everything back where it needed to be and make me as good as new. So why was I so afraid?

Thanksgiving was less than a week away. Jules was going to meet everyone I'd grown up with, everyone who had a part in shaping who I'd become. My grandparents would be there, some of my aunts and uncles and cousins. Jules was even going to finally get to meet my oldest sister and her husband and my nephew. Every time I saw him, little Caeden, I envisioned myself with a family of my own, but I was never able to visualize the woman who'd be standing next to me through it all. Now her picture was quite clear; she had flowing brunette hair, deep amber eyes, and the most perfectly placed freckles across her cheekbones. People say that sometimes you just know when you've found the person you're meant to be with; I thought those people were full of shit until the night I met Jules.

***

On the Sunday evening before Thanksgiving, I was driving home after working a twenty-four hour shift that was as mentally draining as it was physically. We lost two of the patients we'd responded to and the thought of their families having to celebrate a holiday that usually brings everyone together without them wouldn't shake itself from my mind. Before I realized where I was going, I found myself pulling into Parnassus.

With my car parked in the visitor's lot and Jules' building within my sight, I made my way to her, every step bringing me a little more ease.

Per usual, someone just held the door for me as I approached the building. If I'd had more energy, I would've considered actually voicing my displeasure of that habit, but I didn't have it in me.

The closer I got to Jules' door, the louder the sounds of laughter and voices came from her apartment. I could pick her laughter from the mix, and it replaced some of the darker parts of my mind with a fresh light.

When I knocked on her door, the sounds within her apartment ceased. When she opened it, I was greeted by a Jules I'd never seen before. She was a Jules with all of her hair piled on top of her head, some sort of wet paper all over her face that made her look like a poor drawing of a cat, and a glass of wine in her hand. Her eyes grew twice in size when she saw me, and the fingers of her free hand immediately pulled the paper from her face.