May We Meet Again

II. Blood in My Veins

**Intense trigger warning! Please do NOT read, I am begging you, if easily triggered**

Bellamy's POV

"...you're the face of the future, the blood in my veins..."

I hum along to Believer, an Imagine Dragons song I've had on repeat. Monty was right- it's a good band. A pain fills my chest as I think of Jasper- he liked this band, this is his music and he's dead. I clutch my head and roll over, begging the thoughts to stop, for the voices to leave me alone.

It's been a month since the anniversary and I haven't left my room since. I've imprisoned myself in my solitude; sorrow and guilt have built the walls of my cell and regret lock me in. I know the others are worried, Raven especially. I promised her that we could do this, that we survive without Clarke- but I was wrong. I can't do this anymore. Alcohol is my solstice and I find the irony in it in my memories of Clarke- "I think we deserve a drink." "Have one for me."

I look at the bottles that decorate my floor and desk, and I find myself getting angry, I spring from my bed and with a sweeping motion of my arm, the bottles no longer decorate my desk; they adorn my floor, cracked and shattered. Like me. I am nothing. I fall to my knees and bite back a scream as a piece of glass pierces my knee.

I couldn't save you, Clarke, I sob. I'm sorry, princess. I'm sorry I failed you. I was only joking when I said I could use a break from protecting you. I promised nothing would happen to you, I promised Abby I'd keep you safe... I pick up a glass shard and run my thumb across a sharp spot, nicking the skin. With the tears streaming down my face, I turn up Believer as loud as it can go and place the glass along the inside of my wrist. I'm sorry I'm not who you thought I could be Clarke... May we meet again...

As the glass pierces my skin, a sudden calm comes over my body and the voices disappear. I don't hear Jasper or Gina or the poor souls of my people that I condemned to burn in Praimfaya. I don't hear Clarke anymore, I don't hear her laughter or feel her hand on my chest when she told me about my big heart.

"Clarke," I whisper. "May we meet again, princess."

"Damn it, Bellamy!" A voice shouts.

I whip around and the glass slips sharper into my skin. I cry out and I hear the voice again- "That's what you get you fool! I told you to use your head!" I stand, blood dripping from my wrist and grasp the glass in my other hand, protection against someone. I look around madly, but there's no one in my room. I'm going mad. The voices are back.

Frantically, I scratch my arm again with glass, desperate for the calm that happened before. Again and again but nothing. I feel no calm, only a stinging in my arm. I drop the blade, shamed at myself. Fuck. What would Clarke do?

"I wouldn't have done it in the first place, Bellamy."

"Clarke...? Where are you?" I'm beginning to get desperate as I wrap a towel around my arm. "Please tell me this isn't in my head," I plead, sobbing as I hold pressure on the towel. I circle the room slowly, frantically looking from one side to another. And then finally I see her as I'm sinking to the floor, my view fading fast....

"Clarke...."

A/N: Hi guys! I just want to apologize for taking so long to update! I've recently gone back to school and I've had a hectic time getting settled! I promise to start trying to post at least one a week, maybe even a couple times. Please leave any comments, vote on your favorite parts, and give me a follow xx