Finding You

Chapter Two: The Case of the Cleared Browsing History

It had been a few days since the incident with Jungkook's laptop and Yoongi had not really left his room for much of anything but the bathroom and food. He spent the time that he wasn't out of the dorm bent over his desk scribbling lyrics down, crossing them out, and then trying again. Words were not coming easily, everything felt forced and on top of that he still felt lethargic and unmotivated to do much of anything.

He wasn't normally like this. Usually, he always had a reserve of energy to draw from when it came to music, but this was different. He just felt tired and it was the kind of exhaustion that didn't necessarily arise from a lack of sleep. Beyond just feeling drained, he felt compressed, like the walls were slowly getting closer to him. Nevertheless, he used the energy to write the song he had been working on, even if getting the words onto paper felt like he was trying to pull nails out of a floorboard with his fingers alone.

Maybe it was because this time he was writing from an unfamiliar place. Normally words circled around in his head, pushing the concept further and further until it was finished. However, this time it felt like he was desperately searching for the right words to fit the emotions that were bearing down on him. It felt like he was like he was underwater and sinking, the pressure pushing him farther down until he hit the bottom. Yoongi felt like the only thing he could do under the weight of the sea was look up at the surface above him and watch as it grew more distant.

He just felt sad, so fucking unbearably sad, but he didn't have the slightest clue as to why. He felt like he was losing something precious, something that he could not go on without. Or at least, it seemed unlikely that he could. It was as if everything important to him was crumbling around him, walls coming down stone by stone. He couldn't even envision what he was supposed to do next. All he knew is that he desperately wanted to hold onto something that was dying and slipping through his fingers no matter how tight he made his grip. Yoongi was sure that if he let go, everything would change and what he wanted to hold onto so desperately would disappear forever.

And yet...he had no experiences that correlated with those feelings.

It didn't make any sense but he felt the ache, like a fresh wound dug into his skin. Not knowing the source of what he felt made it pretty freaking hard to actually try and sort through it. It was like he was expected to navigate through a forest blindfolded and not trip. So, Yoongi did the only thing he felt he would actually help and poured the feelings into writing, no matter how hard it was to turn them into words. He worked through the day until he heard Jin's voice echo throughout the apartment, alerting him that dinner was done. Yoongi looked down at the song he had roughly written out, chewing on his lip as his eyes traversed the lined paper his sloppy handwriting had been laid onto. He gripped the pen a little tighter before he slowly moved his hand up the page to write the title where he had left a space for it.

Dead Leaves.

Tomorrow, he would hand it off to Namjoon to look at and hoped to god that when he did, the feelings would go with the piece of paper. He sighed, sitting back in his chair and yawning as he cracked his neck and rolled his shoulders. He sat there for a moment longer, gaze focused on the sky. It was raining again and the clouds were a wash of grey that stretched endlessly across the horizon. He blinked and stood up, shaking the unsettled feeling off and closing his lyric book before he made his way out of the room and towards the others.

...

"Let's clean up," Yoongi said to the group as he stood up from the table, stretching out his limbs and letting out a small yawn as he curled his hands up.

"And this is where he leaves," Jungkook muttered as he looked at his Hyung out of his peripheral vision.

"Ah, Hyung I think you should do the dishes this time," Taehyung said with a grin, knowing he was more likely to get away with teasing the older boy relatively unscathed compared to the others.