Finding You

Chapter Three: Social Anxiety is a Bitch

Yoongi spent the next week going to schedules, writing, and locking himself in the studio to work on some of the beats that he had floating around inside of his head. Occasionally he'd get an intense wave of some unidentifiable feeling and sit around unsure of what to do with himself, but at least he could function creatively again. When those moments of feeling unsettled came, he usually caved in on the desire to crawl into bed so he could sleep them off. But the decision of sleeping or not truly rested with how much free time he actually had to his name that day. Some days, it was not any.

He had also spent the last week trying to figure out some way to identify the website Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung had been on without directly asking any of them. He would really love it if none of them found out he was trying to do exactly what he had scolded them all for but didn't really have a way to make that happen. He supposed he should just forget about it, but it was difficult. He wasn't sure why he was obsessing over it, but then again, he wasn't sure what had been up with him in general lately.

Maybe he really was sick.

Yoongi closed his eyes as he let out a yawn, trying to will himself to sleep for the third time that night. He had a schedule to attend in the morning, but his brain was being restless and stubborn. Instead of sleeping, like he should be, he had ended up lying around in bed feeling like he was jet-lagged. With a sigh, he opened his eyes and stared at his ceiling, trying to count the little textured-bumps there to pass time. What were they called again? He considered taking out his phone and googling it, but then he'd have to stop counting. But it didn't matter in the end because he lost count around twenty-four and then decided it wasn't worth starting over. Instead, he was left with the company of his own thoughts.

Rolling onto his side, he reached for his phone on his bedside table. He could probably send a text to his mom and ask her how she was doing, but he didn't want to risk that it would wake her up and rob her of sleep too. He tried playing a game for a bit, but grew bored of it fairly quickly (and it wasn't that he was losing.) He opened up his browser and went to Google, pausing to actually think about what he was going to type into the search bar. Yoongi was about one-hundred and fifty percent positive that this would not work, but his thumbs swept across the touchscreen anyways.

He tried 'kpop blog websites' first, but it returned nothing of use, just a bunch of gossip blogs and merchandise sites. After that, he tried various other rewordings and even eventually ditched specifying kpop blogs in the search. The issue with looking for blogging websites was that there were literally dozens and he had no idea which one the pink blog belonged to or even how to figure that out. Yoongi kept trying anyway though. For about two hours, he searched the web, looking from site to site. He even tried cross-searching their tag and his name but found nothing. It was an exhausting process and by the end of the two hours, when his eyelids were beginning to droop, he realised that he had given himself a headache. He set his phone back on the bedside and then closed his eyes, shimmying in bed until he got comfortable enough to drift into a sleep.

He knew there was little choice now; he was going to have to ask Jungkook, Taehyung or Jimin about the site. The trick was figuring out which one he could ask and convince to keep their mouth shut. He fell asleep thinking about his choices and hoped by the morning he would know what to do.

...

He chose Jimin.

He had been mulling over it for two days. Jungkook was exactly the person Yoongi did not want to ask, as he was fairly certain the whole thing was his idea in the first place. Not to mention there was also the fact that Yoongi had already been caught prying into his browsing history and he didn't feel partial to reliving that experience.