Diary of Dumb

Dear Mom & Dad

Dear Mom & Dad,

I know ive told you this before but i feel as if i have depression. The first time i told you you didnt listen, and i couldnt speak. I wish i had the courage to tell you now but im afraid you'll tell me i just need to change the way i live again.

Dear Mom & Dad,

Depression is a real illness that haunts many people, you might not understand but ill help you understand. Mom, when you called me a horrible person for not wanting to hang out with my friend its because of this. I feel drained and tired and dont enjoy things in life like i used to. Hanging out with friends is one of those things. Going to family gatherings, or birthday parties, or doing anything socoal is hard when all the stress is making you want to scream, cry or, yell out for help.

Dear Mom & Dad,

Why is my phone consantly in my hand, and headphones on my head? To block out all of my negative thoughts.

Dear Mom & Dad,

Im a ticking timebomb of emotions. You might say my problems are little and dont matter, but that doesnt matter. I still will want to cry. Depression isnt just saddness it also makes all my other emotions out of wack. When my sisters do something that makes me mad and you tell me to ignore it, I try, I really do, but because of depression i have to hold back me screaming at them, i have to hold back hurting them.

Dear Mom & Dad,

You might tell me my problems wont matter in a few years, but all i can think of is the past. My mistakes, my embarrassments, my pride, my happiness. You might say that in the future my problems will only get worse, and that scares me. Im going to highschool soon and im terrified. I dont know why i just am. College? I dont want to tell you but i dont plan on going. Why dont i want to tell you? College is all i hear from anyone anymore. "What college do you plan on going to? Get good grade to get in a good college. Dont get detention that would look bad on your record for college," and many others. If i go to please you i wont enjoy myself, if i dont go im afriad you'll see me as a disgrace.

Dear Mom and Dad,

There are many things i dont tell you, im an atheist, and youre a christian. I havent told you this because you might not understand and i am not good at explaining things. I want to tell you this stuff but words dont flow out of my mouth that well so i keep it bottled up. Being an introvert doesnt help. I keep things bottled up and being social drains my energy, i cant explain it but after a party all i want to do is lay somewhere and not think.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I can tell you why i dont do well in school, im always tired because my thoughts keep me up at night, thats why i turn on asmr or music. It drowns out my thoughts most of the time, but sometimes ive had a horrible day and thats all that replays through my head.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Why do i go on bike rides and not tell you? I need to get out of the house and escape to a place where i can think and cry when no one is around so people dont ask questions.

Dear Mom and Dad,

My depression might be self diagnosed right now but if i ever get the confidence to tell you dont ask questions because i cant give you straight answers take me to a professional to help me.

Signed,

Your daughter