Querencia \\ Hvitserk Ragnarsson

Chapter 9: How I feel

As soon as the Vikings reached a port they got off the boats. When they entered the town people immediately started panicking.

Everyone started looking for food, water and treasure. No matter the cost.

Bjarke saw how innocent people were being slaughtered. They couldn't even fight back. She felt this was unfair. She hated it when unnecessary kills were made. Her parents were unnecessarily killed. Just because her father was a Christian did not mean he did not deserve to live. After all, Athlestan, a monk who had been Ragnar's friend, had been a Christian.

Bjarke took a look around to see where her friends were. She saw Hvitserk trying out some fruits. This guy was always eating, seriously. The fact that he was not killing slightly calmed her down. However, she soon saw someone running at him with a weapon. Bjarke knew she was too far away to help Hvitserk, but she saw Björn was closer.

"Björn!" She shouted. Björn turned around and saw Bjarke pointing at Hvitserk.

Bjarke tried to make her way towards Hvitserk as soon as she could, but before she could reach him Björn had already helped him.

That man was the first Hvitserk had killed. Björn turned around to face Hvitserk, but when he saw that Bjarke had now caught up with Hvitserk he knew they'd be fine and left them.

"Are you okay?" Bjarke asked Hvitserk.

"Yeah, fine."

Bjarke knew making that kill had definitely awoken something inside of him. She just did not know what it was yet.

"But you don't seem okay," Hvitserk said.

"Oh, I'm fine," Bjarke lied.

"Come on, I know you better than that."

"It's just... All these people. Lots of them are innocent. Why would you kill innocent people?" Bjarke said. She had never been willing to say it. It made her feel weak and not Viking.

Hvitserk looked doubtful and said: "That's just the way it is."

"But why? There is no need to."

"I don't know, Bjarke. But I think-" "Hvitserk! Bjarke!"

The two of them turned around to see Björn, Rollo and a few other men. They were going somewhere. Bjarke quickly ran towards the others and joined them.

Rollo, Hvitserk and Bjarke were the first to see Helga.

Bjarke ran towards her and asked Helga if she was okay. Helga remained silent and kept staring at some door.

"Go back to the boats," Hvitserk said when all of the other men entered the building. "Wait there, we'll talk later."

---

When looking at him when Hvitserk returned to the boats as well Bjarke swallowed.

"We need to talk," Hvitserk said.

"Does it really have to be right now? Everyone can hear us."

"They won't. They're all too busy with the treasures," Hvitserk answered.

Bjarke nodded and sat down on the edge of the boat. Hvitserk sat down next to her and for a moment there was a comfortable silence.

Because of the way he had said that they needed to talk Bjarke already knew what he was going to say.

"Bjarke, I-" "Don't say it."

Hvitserk's eyes widened. "What?"

Bjarke wasn't sure how she felt about Hvitserk. Or at least, that's what she kept telling herself.

"You can't say it. Not yet. I don't think it-"

"Bjarke, I cannot deny this. It's not that easy. You think I liked the fact that I was slowly getting soft on you. At first, I was afraid of it. I thought it would make me weak, but I couldn't be more wrong. You make me stronger. You make me want to fight for you."

Those words hurt Bjarke. She felt like she would hurt him by telling him how she felt because that meant eventually she had to tell him who she was, so she decided to not say anything.

"I do not expect you to answer. I just want you to know," Hvitserk said while getting up and walking towards Björn, who was on the other side of the boat, to talk to him.

---

They had been at sea for three more days. Bjarke had been avoiding eye contact with Hvitserk and had not spoken a word unless someone had asked her a question.

Bjarke hadn't even noticed that Hvitserk had talked to Helga until Helga approached her.

"Are you okay?" Helga asked while sitting down next to Bjarke.

"Honestly? No," Bjarke sighed. She had tried really hard not to care. Not to think about Hvitserk and what he had said, but it wasn't working. She couldn't help it.

"Hvitserk is worried about you. He really cares about you, Bjarke. Don't you see that?"

"I do, Helga. Trust me. I'm just not sure how I feel about him yet. I'm not sure whether this is just a temporary thing or not. One moment I feel like I want to be with him and then the other I realize he's Ragnar's son. I can not be with a son of Ragnar." Bjarke answered.

Helga sighed and put her hand on Bjarke's arm, comforting her. "I think that what you have with Hvitserk is special. Even though you're not together, you do have chemistry. Like Floki and I have chemistry. And it doesn't matter whether or not he is a son of Ragnar. All that matters is that he loves you. He might not have used those words, but he really does. He just needs to be certain you feel the same way about him before he says it."

Bjarke looked up at Helga. "Really?"

"Hvitserk has never really acted towards someone like he does towards you after his father left. He trusts you. That is special."

"What do you think I should do, Helga. After all, Ragnar has raised me. Doesn't that make me Hvitserk's sister."

"Bjarke, I think the gods have already decided. You're just delaying it. Do not resist it. You might end up getting even more hurt than you already are. No, the fact that Ragnar took you away does not mean you're his sister. Not if you do not want to be his sister. You don't share any blood with him." Helga said.

Bjarke grabbed Helga's hand and thanked her. "I'll think about it, Helga."