Querencia \\ Hvitserk Ragnarsson

Chapter 14: On my mind

The days went by quickly and soon it was time for Ubbe and Margrethe's wedding.

Hvtiserk had just presented them with the rings and returned to Bjarke side. He wrapped an arm around her waist and kept it there until it was time for the bridal race.

Hvitserk ran and ran and for a moment it seemed like he would win. But then he went face first into the mud and lost after all.

Everybody laughed, but Bjarke couldn't laugh. Instead, she faked a smile and then turned around and walked away.

People didn't even notice her leaving. Bjarke didn't care. There were only a few people Bjarke cared about and that number had recently been cut even shorter. She knew she was supposed to let go, but after spending ten years with someone it's quite a bit harder.

"Bjarke? Bjarke!"

Bjarke didn't need to turn around to know that Hvitserk had followed her. It was kind of his job to take care of her now.

Being in Kattegat reminded Bjarke of Ragnar and she was having difficulties.

"Bjarke, are you alright? Why did you leave?" Hvitserk said as he caught up with her.

"Hvitserk, I think we need to talk."

Bjarke could see a flash of terror on his face and quickly said: "No. No! I'm not breaking up with you."

Hvitserk sighed in relief. "Well, thank the gods. I don't know if I ever could have loved anyone as much as I love you."

"Oh, that's not true. I mean, look at Margrethe. She loves Ubbe, but she seems to love you as well."

Bjarke knew she should not have said that. She knew Hvitserk loved her with all his heart. She knew he had loved Margrethe once, but that was over now. She trusted him, but she couldn't help but notice Margrethe's behaviour towards Hvitserk. Even though Bjarke could not blame the girl...

"I'm sorry. I know you can be trusted..."

"That's fine, Bjarke. After all, it's true. Just remember that I'm all yours," he said right before he kissed her.

"Oh, well, thank you, mister Ragnarsson," Bjarke said as they broke apart.

"Now, why don't you tell me what's on your mind," Hvitserk said as he continued walking.

"Well," Bjarke started, "it's more of a who, to be honest."

"Bjarke, do you love someone else?" Hvitserk asked as the feeling of terror returned.

"By the gods, no! Hvitserk!"

"Good..."

"Let's sit down," Bjarke said. She pulled Hvitserk down next to a tree. He leaned against it and Bjarke sat down next to him.

"It's our father," she said, her voice trembling a bit as she spoke those words.

Hvitserk pulled her a little closer to his body in order to comfort her. It was only then that he realised that Bjarke had loved his father as well. He might not have been there for him in those ten years, but he was there for her. Ragnar was Bjarkes father too, it was Ragnar who had raised her to be the woman she is today.

"It's just... Ever since we returned to Kattegat I haven't been able to get him off my mind. He's just... there," Bjarke said. Tears were streaming down her cheeks now.

"You're grieving, Bjarke. That's normal."

"But none of you seem to be 'grieving'. You all just moved on. Yes, you're going to avenge his death, but you don't really feel the loss that I have felt for weeks now," Bjarke said.

Hvitserk kissed her temple and said: "We have already said goodbye to him in our own ways over the past ten years. Nobody knew whether or not he was ever going to return. We've had ten years to grief. You haven't."

When he saw that Bjarke was still crying he grabbed her and pulled her on top of him so that she was facing him. Bjarke rested her head in his neck as she softly cried.

Hvitserk didn't really know what to do. It was the first time that someone had ever opened up to him like this (except Ubbe, maybe). Trying to comfort her was really the only thing he could do now.

"I think you should talk to Floki. Floki was one of the last people Ragnar talked to before he left. The last one was Ivar, but I don't know if Ivar is the best of options, if you know what I'm saying," Hvitserk said. Bjarke laughed.

"There we go," Hvitserk softly said.

Bjarke actually disagreed with Hvitserk. Ivar was the last Viking to see Ragnar alive. She would talk to him, but only after she'd spoken with Floki.

---

"Bjarke! If you're looking for Helga, she's gone to the feast for a while. She's there with the Ragnarssons," Floki said.

"Oh I know, I'm actually here for you."

Floki looked up from whatever he was doing.

"Me?"

"Yes. You were one of the last Vikings to see Ragnar alive."

Floki sighed.

"I was wondering how long it would take for you to ask me about that. Sit down, Bjarke," Floki said.

Bjarke saw something in Floki she hadn't seen yet. This was Floki really caring. Yes, he'd cared for Ragnar and Helga, but that was different. Floki didn't really know Bjarke.

"You know that Ragnar used to have a daughter named Gyda, right?" Floki asked her.

"Yeah, she died when she was twelve."

"Ragnar said that one of the reasons he had agreed to take you with him on his journey was because he saw her in you," Floki said.

That came as a shock to Bjarke. Ragnar had never told her.

"He really did see you as his daughter, Bjarke. You need to know that. As a father, he would have wanted you to live a life full of happiness. I know that because I could never give my daughter a life. She passed away too soon," Floki said.

Bjarke realised that this was Floki speaking as a father, not as his crazy self. And she liked it, so she stayed.

They just sat there and talked, not even just about Ragnar or Floki's daughter, but about a lot of things. Sometimes they laughed, sometimes Bjarke shed a small tear (which made Floki giggle either way), but it was comfortable. Bjarke felt like she would finally be able to give Ragnar a place, all thanks to Hvitserk and Floki.