Don't Call Him That

Chapter 3

The rest of the day goes by okay. Erik doesn't mention what he said earlier but I admit that I'm really worried. When we go back to English, I can tell he can't really focus on his worksheet. He writes his name but he can't bring himself to do anything else, it seems like.

"Erik, do you need help?" I ask. He looks up at me with his green eyes.

"N-n-no." He just stares at his worksheet.

"Are you sure?" He sighs and stares at the ground.

"C-c-can't do it," he whispers. "D-don't understand." I try to explain his work to him as best as I can so he'll understand. They're working on different types of sentences. I don't think it's that Erik can't understand, I think it's just that he's having a hard time paying attention.

"Erik, see, what type of sentence is this?" I ask, pointing to question one on the worksheet. He blinks a few times and sighs, glancing at his options at the top of the paper.

"Is it... command?" he whispers. I smile at him.

"Yes, Erik, good job."

"I f-f-feel stupid," he whispers. I sigh and put my arm around him.

"You shouldn't feel stupid, Erik, you're not stupid. You're doing great." He looks at me.

"But I am stupid."

"You're not stupid."

"I am." Erik is crying again. I pull him close to me and stroke his hair.

"Hey, no you're not. You're not stupid, okay? You may have trouble with some things but you're not stupid." He stays quiet after that. He keeps doing his worksheet and I notice that he spells the words wrong even though they're at the top of the page. I ignore it, though. It must be hard for him. A lot of things are hard for him.

His next class is history, and he has someone trying to explain the constitution to him, but I don't think he's paying attention. He keeps staring at me and smiling. I hold his hand under the desk to help him feel more comfortable. The next class is PE, and Erik is kind of afraid. You see, there are "normal" kids in that class, and they tend to view Erik as a target.

While Erik and I get changed into our gym clothes in the bathroom, he looks at me with worry in his eyes.

"they... they're going to hurt me," he whispers. I sigh.

"I won't let that happen, Erik." He stares at the ground.

"It... it because I'm retarded," he responds, "isn't it?"

"Erik, no... It's because they're assholes. And you're not the r word, you're intellectually disabled. There's a difference, and that difference is respect." Erik sighs as he finishes getting his gym shirt on. I hadn't noticed how skinny he was before, but now it seems obvious. "Erik, how much do you weigh? I don't want to be rude, but..." He looks at me and blinks like he does when he doesn't understand something.

"D-d-don't know," he whispers, staring at the ground.

"Your mother is feeding you, right? She's not... she's not starving you, is she, Erik?" Erik shakes his head.

"N-n-no, just... don't know." I walk up to him and hug him tightly. He starts crying and buries his face in my shoulder. I stroke his hair and rub his back as he keeps sobbing. "Don't want to go out there... can't," he says, his voice breaking. He adjusts his glasses and stares at the ground.

"Erik, why not?" He doesn't respond to my question. I take his hand and slowly lead him into the gym. Our teacher is waiting there with a few of the "normal" kids. They stare at Erik and a few of them mouth the word "retard" at him, but the rest of them stay silent. The teacher explains what we're going to do, some activity involving a ball, and I cringe, thinking about what it could mean for Erik. I know the assholes in this class are going to throw the ball at Erik and the other intellectually disabled students, but especially Erik because he's the smallest and the quietest in the class. Erik starts crying and trembling before we begin and I know what might happen next. I walk up to the teacher. "Erik might have an accident if I don't get him to the bathroom right now. He's very anxious--" The teacher nods and I take Erik's hand, walking him to the bathroom. Sadly, one of the ableist students, Tommy, sees us and decides to chuck a ball at Erik. It hits Erik in the back of his head and this causes Erik to have an accident in the middle of the gym. Erik covers his face and moves closer to me, embarrassed about what happened. I leave Erik standing there to confront Tommy. The teacher goes to find a janitor, leaving the students alone.