Atlantis [Tom Holland]

REAL LIFE

Now that I am in front of him, I didn't know what to say. I'm scared. I don't really know what of. It felt like there was a barrier— something that I'm afraid of. Like an ocean. It felt like there's oceans in between us.

And I don't know how to swim.

I guess that's how I always thought of us. When I met him, I was scared of being with him. I was scared to go into the water.

"Harrison, Z, can you give us some privacy, please?" He suddenly spoked. "Sure, mate." Harrison and Zendaya pressed his lips into a thin line, sensing the tension inside the room.

They did what Tom asked, and went out of the room.

Tom and I didn't look at each other. We looked away from each other, but was aware of each other's presence. I sat on the end of the couch while Tom sat on the other.

"You're cruel." He spoke in a tone I have never heard him use before. It was deep and almost... sad and tired.

I didn't speak and let him continue. "I gave you the space you needed." He continued. I looked at him this time, tears threatening to spill my eyes.

"I gave you what you wanted, didn't I? What you thought you needed?!" He raised his voice. He looked into my eyes and I saw the tears that ran down his cheeks. The tears I were holding back let themselves go. I did this to him.

He covered his face with his hands. "I'm sorry for raising my voice." He said in a much calmer tone.

"I wanted you to find yourself— make yourself better, healthier. I wanted you to be happy with yourself. Instead, you find someone else." He stared out of his tinted window.

"Have you forgotten about me?" He added. I shook my head. "I'd never."

He smiled, still not looking at me. "Have you replaced me?" I shook my head.

"Is he better than me? Tell me, where did I go wrong? Was I not enough?" He looked at me this time, gritting his teeth. I could feel his anger. Without thinking of my words, I let out words unconsciously.

"You left me!" I shouted.

"You told me you won't. You told me we'd stay friends. You told me you'll stay beside me. But you left! You never contacted me. You broke your promise!"

"But did you not think of me? What I feel? Was I not in pain too? Wasn't it hard for me too? Don't I get to feel upset too?" He slapped a hand on his forehead and cried his heart out. "I needed you too! But I put my feelings aside. I know that you were the one who needed to be better. Seeing you not happy was hard. But fuck, not being to hold you was fucking harder. Suddenly you were in this world and you were happy. You were doing what you wanted, but I felt like I was fading away in your world."

My chest tightened more and more as he spoke. Suddenly it was hard to breathe.

"I wanted to accept that. That it was better that I'm not by your side. But sorry, because now I know that I can't—. I can't. I'm sorry for being selfish. Now, now, I'm so hurt. I don't even know if I can be selfish."

"What are you saying?" I asked, my voice shaking.

"I'm saying," He stopped and sighed. "No. I don't want to let you go." He stood up and knelt down in front of me. He held my hand with his cold ones.

"Please. Please come back to me. I'm sorry. I'll always be here from now on. We can all be friends again. Just come back to me, please." He cried on my knees, making me cry more. It was getting harder and harder for me to breathe.

I broke him. I broke the only person I loved. I broke him because I was selfish.

I couldn't take it and knelt down with him. I wrapped my arms around him. "I was always with you. I was always yours, Tom."

Tom and I hugged for a while. But when it was getting longer than 5 minutes. I knew something was up. Tom didn't move. I nudged him. He still didn't move.

"Z!" I shouted. Zendaya and Harrison came running and she was shocked at the position we're in.

"I'm sorry, Val. He was drinking. Couldn't stop him." She sighed and Harrison helped him off me. We put him to bed.

Zendaya gave me tea while we sat on the couch. "Tell me, that dude Miguel—" She interrupted me. "Yup, that was Tom. I'm sorry. He pushed me to make it happen. He said he wants to see that dude Alec and see what he is to you." She sighed.

"So, how is he? After, you know..." I asked. Zendaya pursed her lips together. "Well, after he came back to England for his family, he just really cut off communication with everyone for a while. That's a real short while though. Now, he's back in town for Infinity War."

After talking a bit more with Z, I told her I should go now. Harrison offered that he drives me home and I accepted. The car ride was quiet, he must have known I was in deep thought. I told him to drop me off on Rachel's place which he found odd but didn't question.

I stepped out of the car where Harrison stood. "Hey, you alright?" He asked. I nodded. "Yeah. I'm the best."

My friend smiled bitterly. "I missed you. It's alright. You'll fix this." He assured me and wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back, and melted to him.

"I'll see you around." I smiled. "Shut up. You're making me cry." He joked as I saw his eyes are watery. I laughed and turned my back.

"Bye." I turned for a short while again while walking. He nodded and mouthed a quick response before getting in the car.

I miss the overnights, the pizzas and the group chat. I just want it all back. I want to start again. A new friendship with a new me.