ANTICHRIST | phan ✔️

lavender in winter

TRACK TWENTY EIGHT
"wasting time"
castlebeat

👼🏻

1989

in the dark of the church basement sat twenty or so children. some were praying, some were smoking, some were crying, but all of them couldn't help but listen to the screams above their heads. one of these children was a little brunet boy with his bruised knees drawn tightly to his chest and his hands over his ears, who rubbed his eyes like a sleepy child when billie eilish used nicole dollanganger's lighter as a torch to see his face.

"hey," she whispered softly, touching adrian's arm. "are you scared of the screams?"

the little boy blinked to adjust to the light of the flame, before he shook his head.

"no," adrian mumbled, "i hear them all the time at home. 's the dark."

"the dark?"

"uh huh," adrian nodded, fidgeting with his trouser cuffs. "i'm scared of the dark. i don't like it...a-and it's really dark in here."

he couldn't see how billie's expression softened at that, but felt her feel across the dirty basement floor to gently squeeze his hand.

"that's okay," she whispered. "i'm scared of fire. always have been."

"i don't like fire either," adrian murmured, shuffling closer to billie. " 's scary. but i'm more scared of the dark."

the little boy thought nobody would mind if he sucked him thumb, seeing as it was almost pitch black and his stepfather wasn't there to call him "a fucking fag." adrian didn't know what that was, but he was sure it wasn't nice because it used to make dan cry.

"d'you really think he's setting fire to the church up there?" nicole asked, from what billie guesses was the opposite wall. "phil lester?"

"ssh, nicole," dodie hissed. "you'll scare the kids."

"you really think any of them will give a fuck if their parents burn?" nicole shot back. "or that fucking priest? they're scared shitless of all of this whole fucking village - i know i am, and i'm sixteen, for christ's sake."

billie was about to tell nicole to shut her mouth because she was making the young girl by her side cry, when a little hand tugged on her sleeve.

"billie?" adrian asked. "i-is my brother up there too? is he gonna be okay?"

"why don't you pray for him?" nicole snorted. "like that works for anyone."

"nicole - " billie started.

"but praying did work for me," adrian said in a tiny voice. "because i asked god to make my stepfather go away...a-and he did..."

he wasn't sure if anyone had heard him, so he went back to sucking his thumb and waiting for the loud noises upstairs and in his head to stop. adrian found himself humming one of the hymns from church to take his mind off of dan all bloodied and still on the kitchen floor, and the thud! thud! thud! outside his bedroom door.

"stepfather, did you say?" billie asked softly, and moved the dirty pink lighter so that she could see adrian better again.