ANTICHRIST | phan ✔️

prayers in pills II

is it just me or is this story more depressing than bubblegum
also trigger warning for suicide

TRACK TWENTY FIVE
"a marvellous persona"
nicole dollanganger

👼🏻

1975

the walk through the woods so late at night with only a thin nightdress under her coat and a little boy held to her chest, teeth chattering, was hard for carmen. the twigs snapped under her feet and cut her ankles, and without that blue ribbon lizzy had loved in her hair, it was whipping her in the eyes with a thrash! thrash! thrash! as she made her way towards the hunt of the village that was starting to come into sight through the trees.

"hush little baby, don't say a word," she started to sing, her voice shaking in the cold as she wrapped her coat as far around phil as it would go. "mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird..."

she nearly fell to her knees in relief when she saw the orange glow of light in the windows at a house that read "rooms to let," so much so she wondered if she was hallucinating. carefully, once at the door, she rang the bell and set phil down to hold her hand.

"where we go, mama?" the little boy asked sleepily, rubbing his tired eyes with a cold hand as he tried to look up at her. "we sleep here?"

"ssh, ssh, baby," carmen hushed him, rubbing his back as he buried his face in the skirts of lizzy's nightdress. "we're alright now - "

without warning, the door was opened with a sharp click! that made carmen tighten her grip on phil's hand.

"...FUCKING WHORE! LEAVE ME ALONE!..."

it wasn't lizzy stood on the doorstep, but a woman with hair as grey as cigarette ash and eyes like flint, wearing a mauve dressing gown. something in the way she tightened her jaw told carmen she recognised her as the centre of all those rumours, and it was then she considered maybe even praying that she wouldn't turn them away.

"yes?" the woman demanded, with one hand on the doorpost and an icy stare.

"i-i..." carmen started, shuffling on the spot. "w-we need a room...just for the night...my son, he's only young and it's s-so cold - "

"how much?" the woman asked curtly, and held out her hand. carmen opened her mouth to say that they had nothing, but all that cake it was her breath like incense smoke in the cold air; she realised that asking for christian charity wouldn't work for a whore and the child conceived outside of marriage, so instead took the silver crucifix lizzy had bought her (identical to the one carmen had bought her)
and handed it over to the woman.

"is that enough?" carmen asked hopefully, to which the woman didn't give a nod, only pushed the door wider open to reveal a narrow hallway with a burgundy carpet like the cushion of a church pew. the door first on the left was open, to reveal the hints of a living room. carmen's eyes wandered over a worn green velvet armchair to an alcohol cabinet, escort ally on

"the room straight up the stairs on the right with the picture of the virgin mary is available," the woman said without looking back. "for one night, just like you said."

"one night," carmen repeated, and watched lizzy's crucifix dangle from the old woman's hand until she turned a corner; that cross had been held so tightly in carmen's fist, the girl was sure it would have left a mark.