ANTICHRIST | phan ✔️

lavender lament

TRACK SIXTEEN
"nara dreamland"
nicole dollanganger

👼🏻

1989

at the back of the church was a quiet room, where lizzy grant was lying in an open coffin as still as the stone angel in the graveyard.

"it's just terrible," mrs hadley said, although she didn't cry one tear, one of the few people in the little back room that smelt like dan thought a church should (cinnamon and dust).

"god's will," phil murmured by dan's side, and dan closed his tired eyes for what felt like the first time since they'd found her on the floor. fallen from heaven, hit her head.

blood and broken glass.

"yes," mrs hadley nodded, lips pursed. "it's god's will. she's an angel now."

dan didn't know why, but he had the overwhelming urge to suddenly scream out every fucking thing lizzy had done with carmen that would surely send her to hell. the urge to do that and to rip mrs hadley's crucifix from around her neck.

neither boy did a thing.

"i found her this morning," mrs hadley said to the ghosts hanging in the slip of grey afternoon light filtering in from the window above the coffin. "her husband...he must've..."

"'no," phil said dryly. "we saw him."

mrs hadley paled, but both boys kept their pretty and sad eyes on the girl they'd never see smile pretty and sad again.

"y-you saw her husband - "

"yes," was all phil said, without raising his eyes from the dusty church tiles. "we saw him. shouldn't you be leaving flowers on your husbands grave?"

mrs hadley tried to say something, stuttered over her words and headed briskly for the door.

"father lucian will be in here in a moment," she said, without turning around. dan saw phil's shoulders stiffen at the name.

l-u-c-i-a-n

so did mrs hadley. the door went click! behind her, and left dan and phil alone with a beautiful dead girl lying without flowers.

"she looks like she's asleep," dan murmured, not to anyone in particular. he wondered if she still smelt like lavender oil and birthday cake now she was dead, and thought about bursting into fucking tears.

"they're not burying her," was all phil said, calm but firm. "they're not."

"what can we - "

"we'll take her someplace. someplace else. they're not gonna say fucking prayers for her and bury her in that fucking graveyard. she wouldn't want that. she wouldn't want to hear him pray for her."

phil paused for breath, breathing shakily, hands in white fists by his sides. he looked like a porcelain angel from the mantelpiece about to smash into a thousand pieces.

"someplace else," dan nodded slowly, reaching out as if to touch lizzy but dropping his head as of from a curtain before he could. "where?"