What A Lie Looks Like | ✓

1.22: sephine

Thankfully Mom went with Dad to Texas, so I have the house to myself besides Ronnie, so it wasn't a problem with having to explain Hayes's presence. I finally got to change out of my uniform two hours ago into a pair of sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt when I went to get the Chinese takeout that's sitting on the coffee table in front of us. His head rests in my lap after he fell asleep using me as a pillow, no doubt exhausted from the excitement today.

Spongebob is playing on the television in front of us. Still, I'm not really paying attention because I'm playing with Hayes's hair. I could deep condition my hair every night, and it still wouldn't be this soft. His head is a little heavy, but I also know that if he were awake, he'd never let me touch his hair other than while I kiss him. In that situation, I'm not exactly focused on his hair.

My phone buzzes, and I see Cam's name light up the screen.

Cam: I'm in your driveway.

Cam: Please. I just want to explain.

I look at Hayes sleeping peacefully, and I carefully lift his head to slide off of the couch before resting it back down on the couch. I hold my breath and wait a second to see if he wakes up, but to my relief, he doesn't.

Taking my time to climb the stairs to the main floor, I brace myself for the conversation with Cam, but I'm not sure anything can truly prepare me for it. I unlock the front door, and Cam is standing there with his hands in his pocket.

"I didn't expect you to come and talk to me." His nose is swollen with bruises visible under his eyes where his sinuses are.

"Hayes got you good," I murmur, trying to distract myself from the cold.

"He's here, isn't he?" Cam asks, and I nod. "His dad hasn't left for London yet, so I figured he wouldn't go home."

"What are you doing here, Cam?"

He coughs lightly, "I wanted to tell you what happened. Hayes will at least listen if it comes from you, but you don't have to tell him if you don't want to."

I cross my arms over my chest and move to sit down on the steps because I have a feeling that this won't be a short conversation.

"When I was younger, I was friends with anyone and everyone. I wasn't the kid that had trouble talking, but I could never make the right words come out of my mouth when I was around Tessa. She and Hayes were friends of friends in elementary school, but I was jealous of the fact that he could even have a conversation with her without stuttering or word vomiting. They didn't really become friends until middle school, and then she was around all the time."

Cam's still wearing his uniform, but the jacket he's wearing covers the button-down and tie he hates so much. It's hard to believe that everything was fine this morning, but now it feels like a lifetime ago.

"I guess I was jealous of Hayes in general. He had more money, he was more popular, and Tessa liked him. So whenever Tessa was around, I always had an excuse to do something else. You would think after all those years that I would have been able to work the nerve up to talk to her, but I never could. I was close with Liv even then, but I never told anyone about how I felt, especially Hayes. After his dad and step-mom started going on more trips, he spent a lot of time at my house and was more than my best friend. He felt more like a brother."

"I guess we have different definitions of family," The comment slips out, but I don't feel bad until I see the hurt on Cam's face, but I don't try to take it back.

Instead he smiles sadly which almost makes it worse, "I deserve that, I know that I fucked up. Once high school hit, it didn't take Tess long to confront me about why I was never around when she was with Hayes, and a part of me was glad that she had noticed that. It meant that I wasn't invisible," Cam laughs bitterly as he thinks back.

"But Tessa thought that I didn't like her, which I guess was easier for her to understand since everyone could see how she felt about Hayes and how he felt about her. So I tried to forget about her, believe me, I tried, but I just kept comparing everyone to her hence why I've only had hookups and never dated anyone. It's hard to think that this Tessa is the same one from back then."

I can believe that because she wasn't a horrible person until the last few days or so of Seattle.

"He never figured it out, did he?"

Cam ignores my question because the answer was so obvious, considering I know what happens next after what Hayes had told me. "It took him forever to act on his feelings, but Hayes asked her out a week or two after we got back in school, and no one was shocked when it happened."

That's the same thing that Hayes had said, "It was just kind of expected, but it still felt like all the air had been knocked out of me when I first saw them holding hands. I told myself that as long as they were both happy, it didn't matter that they were together. I forgot how I felt, and I could finally talk to Tessa without freezing up. Then something shifted between them after about six months, and she just started getting notably jealous every time a girl even approached him."

My hands are shaking from the cold, so I slip them inside the sleeves of my sweatshirt before paying attention again. "I thought they were going to break up with how much they were arguing, but then things shifted again, and it was fine for a few months until this party. I had a lot to drink because I was celebrating getting the marks I wanted on my finals, so I guess you could say I was pretty out of it when I found Tessa crying in a bedroom. I didn't know what to do; sober me would have known better than to approach her, but drunk me wanted to be the hero."

The faint light from the sunset is casting a haunting glow across his downcast face.

"I didn't expect Tessa to kiss me, but I surprised myself by kissing her back. One thing led to another, and I wish I could tell you what was going through my head, but I remember that after everything, reality hit both of us. Tessa started crying and refused to let me touch her again, so I left the room and the party feeling like the worst person in the world. Hayes came over the next morning and was a complete wreck saying how she was just gone. If I told him that I was the one who cheated with his girlfriend, it would have destroyed him. I made the decision right there not to tell him it was me. It just all spiraled out of control way too fast. At least he has you now though, don't let Tessa's threats get between you two. Hayes needs you now."

I guess that he's run what happened through his head a hundred times, I know I have. "I don't plan on going anywhere, but you need to know that I don't know if him knowing that is going to change anything. I'm sorry, but Cam, it's your own fault. You and I both know that Hayes would never have gone after her if he knew how you felt."

The wind ruffles his hair, and the sun setting casts darker shadows exaggerating the raccoon bruises under his eyes and along the bridge of his nose. "I know, but I also wanted him to be happy. I didn't expect it all to turn into one big pile of horse shit."

"I don't know if he'll hear me out, but I think this is something he needs to hear from you. I don't want to be in the middle of this any more than I already am. Thank you for trying to get Tessa to stop, you didn't have to do that." I pat his shoulder awkwardly, and Cam chuckles.

"Yeah I did, I just don't know if I hold much leverage now that the entire school knows about Tessa and me."

My hands twist inside the sweatshirt, "You tried, though, and that's what counts. I don't know what to tell you other than he's going to need some space. I don't think I need to tell you that you hurt Hayes."

"I think my nose could tell you that much."

"I'll talk to you soon, but I have to go," I step back into the warmth of the house without taking another look at him because I know it'll be even harder to walk away despite what Cam did.