What A Lie Looks Like | ✓

2.19: sephine

It's been four days, thirteen hours, and twelve minutes since I've talked to Ollie, and it's been excruciatingly painful every second. Hayes has put up with it longer than I thought he would. He's trying everything he can think of to get me out of my funk, which also included him taking an extra few days off of work. Still, he slips into his office to answer calls, and his laptop is usually open to a budget decision or something very similar to that.

His last resort is him reluctantly letting me play with his hair while watching old episodes of Criminal Minds.

His head is currently resting in my lap as Garcia and Morgan banter while my fingers thread through the silky soft locks.

"Hayes?"

He grunts in acknowledgment, clearly being lulled to sleep by the repetitious movements of my hands.

"How do you keep your hair so soft?"

"I don't know." He responds, exhaling.

I'm beyond fascinated with Hayes's ebony locks of hair as I comb my fingers through it.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think that you're only with me because of my hair."

A short laugh escapes my mouth, "You're right; I'm only engaged to you because I love your hair." I've been saying we're engaged for practically two months now, but my heart skips a beat every time I say it out loud.

Hayes's light eyes that contrast so much against his tanned skin blink lazily at me through his thick lashes, "At least it got you to smile again. Who knew my hair could have such drastic effects on your mood."

The smile starts to recede from my face, but he places his hand over mine that's still entangled in his hair. "Don't pull back from me. I hate it when you do that."

"I'm not pulling back. I'm just..." I trail off because I have no idea what I'm doing. Maybe I'm pulling back from Hayes because I don't want to believe that this could be a good thing, but I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But Hayes knows me too well and can read my mind, "You're just trying to find reasons not to be happy. Ollie might be blaming himself, but once he realizes that it wasn't his fault, everything will be back to normal."

He's trying to be positive, but he didn't see how Ollie was acting; I tear my eyes away from his gaze because he's right, and Hayes sits up in response.

"I don't want to be afraid, but when have we ever just been allowed to be us? The first time there was Tessa and my past, but this time? What is it going to be?" I admit aloud, wanting to stuff the words right back into my mouth.

"Montgomery..." Hayes reaches forward like he always does and tucks a strand of my caramel hair that fell from my ponytail behind my ear. "You can't think like that. Second time is a charm, remember? There is a reason why we found our way back to each other, and I refuse to believe that something bad will happen to tear us apart because I love you. I love your wild mood swings, I love watching you bite your lip as you think extremely hard about something, I love the way your fingers curl around mine, and I am hopelessly in love with you."

I feel tears well up in my eyes but not for the reason he thinks, "Goddammit Benson. You can't just say stuff like that."

"Yes I can, you just need to believe it." He smiles sweetly, and I look down at my hand that rests on his knee. More specifically, at the ring that's on my hand.

"I do believe it; I just don't know why you do."

He sighs, and I notice the mixture of emotions on his face. "Is this really about Ollie, or are you upset about something else?"