What A Lie Looks Like | ✓

2.30: sephine

I'm awoken by Lisa for my scheduled time to take ibuprofen before it can fully wear off. Except this time, instead of Hayes sitting next to me in the chair, Tessa's now here, clearly having been awakened by Lisa.

"What time is it?" Tessa asks Lisa yawning as I'm handed the little cup filled with the pills as cramps ripple through me now that I'm awake, reminding me of what happened again.

"It's a little before eight in the morning. I'm about to head out, but I wanted to give you your pain medications, so the timing of your dose doesn't get messed up again in the shift change." She explains, offering me the cup with the straw again.

I rest my hand on her arm to get her to stay for a few more moments, "I know you didn't have to do what you did last night, but I just wanted to say that I really appreciated it."

"You'll get through this. Just keep your head up."

"Thanks," My head falls back into the fluffy pillow, and I can't meet her eyes because I'm not sure I believe her.

"I'll give Alec a brief run-through since he should be the one with you during the day shift. Dr. Phillips wanted me to give you an ice pack to put on your ribs that should help keep some of the discoloration down." Lisa turns to grab the ice pack off the counter and lifts the blanket so she can place it in the correct spot on my chest.

"Wait where-"

Tessa smiles, "I couldn't get a flight in until last night; otherwise, I would have been here sooner. I kicked Hayes out because he looked like hell and needed a break, so I offered to stay with you instead. I hope that's okay?"

I force a faint smile back at her, "Yeah, it is."

"If it makes you feel any better, he refused to leave, but Hayes also knew that I was right about him getting some actual rest." She tries to suggest, but I don't disagree with her. This room is incredibly depressing, and I know I'm not the happiest person at the moment. But I don't exactly have anything to be pleased about.

"I'm happy that you're here, Tess."

She chuckles lightly grabbing the bag next to her, "You'll be a lot happier once you see what I brought. I wasn't sure what kind of candy you liked, so I bought one of everything at the register except for the stuff with almonds because I don't think we can be friends if you mix chocolate and almonds." Tessa grimaces, and I laugh for the first time since it all happened even though I immediately regret it because the movement causes my chest to tighten up with pain. The ice pack starts to move from where it was placed. "Shit, are you okay?" Tessa asks, tucking her hair behind her ears with her hazel eyes staring wide at me.

"Would it make you feel better if I said yes?" I retort trying to adjust to a comfortable position, but nothing is comfortable at the moment.

"Sephine, you don't have to lie for other people's benefit. You're going through something that we can't even begin to understand. I do know that lying about how you feel isn't good for anyone, and you know I'm right."

"I don't know how I feel. Everything hurts in me, and I don't know how to stop it. I just want to go home." My hand rests on my stomach, feeling the bump still there, and I feel more tears threaten to spill, "I'm so tired of crying because I can't stop. I feel empty like a part of me is just gone, and there's all these goddamn what-ifs I keep thinking about. What if I'd already told Hayes I was pregnant? Then I would never have been on the street by myself. What if it was the last kick that killed it? If I'd been able to fight back just a little bit, maybe I wouldn't be stuck in this stupid hospital bed with this agonizing pain I can't stop."

Tessa lets out a sigh and moves to sit at the bottom of the bed near my feet, "Don't try to stop it then."

"What do you mean?"

Tessa rests a hand on my leg, and I get the feeling that there's a whole lot more than what she's saying, "The only way to start to heal from something like this is to let yourself go through the emotions of feeling everything. Trying to keep it in is only going to make you miserable, and I promise that letting it all out is the first step to helping things return to what'll be your new normal."

"How can you promise that?" I ask, and she pulls a necklace out from under her shirt.

Tessa lets out a sigh playing with the charm on the end. "I need you to know that I'm not telling you this so you'll be sorry for me. I'm telling you, so you know it gets easier even if it doesn't seem like it."

"What happened?" I pull the icepack of my chest and set it next to me on the bed.

There's a heavy silence before Tessa starts speaking, "Four years ago, I was raped in my dressing room after a late-night shoot while I was attending classes at Columbia. I ended up pregnant because I was too afraid to speak up and file a report. After all, in the industry, you even breathe of something like that no one will hire you." Tessa's not wrong because that's precisely why I never spoke up against Sascha to begin with until the injury happened.

"I was offered my first big contract the day after I found out about the pregnancy. I was carrying the baby of a man that I had only met once, and it wasn't something I could relive over and over again, so I had the pregnancy terminated. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. But I don't regret it." I can tell by the look on her face that she's afraid of me judging her, but I can't because I don't know what I would have done in her situation.

I sit up in the bed, ignoring the pain in my chest as I move to hug her. She returns the hug, but I only last a few moments in the position before I'm forced to pull back. "I'm sorry," And I mean it. That's something I would wish on no one.

"Seph, don't be sorry. I've made my peace with it; I want you to know that you have someone in your corner who understands what you're going through." She reassures me, and I let everything she's said sink in past all of the raw emotional pain I'm feeling in addition to the physical pain I can't get relief from.

"I just don't know how even to begin dealing with it all." I need her help if I'm going to end up okay without losing another part of myself.

Tessa holds up the bag of candy, "With lots of dark chocolate and by talking about it until the only thing left to do is cry it out before you talk to Hayes again."

And for the first time since everything happened, I genuinely mean the smile on my face. It's not much, but it's a start.