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SIXTEEN
commitment phobia
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THE SUN WAS beginning to start its descent beneath the horizon, illuminating the sky with various shades of oranges, pinks and purples. It was a canvas of several brushstrokes merged into one, like its artist couldn't decide on which color to use. It was comforting to know that God, or whatever person lived upstairs, was as indecisive as I was.
Sunsets always seemed to be more exquisite in the Cove.
I admired them that much more, because soon I wouldn't have the privilege to view them anymore.
Dean shut off the engine to his Lexus, but left the key in the ignition. This allowed the soft singing of the The Weeknd to continue playing, filling the space between us.
I felt his eyes on me, and I tore my gaze away from the artistry of the sky, the colors reflecting on my face. "What?" I asked him, lifting an eyebrow.
He simply smirked, running his hand through his hair. It seemed to be a habit of his, and it felt like weeks ago that it was my fingers in his hair. In reality, it was bordering on half an hour.
"Nothing."
I rolled my eyes, shifting my position so I could better see his face. "No seriously, what?"
"If I say nothing again, will you keep asking me?" His tone was teasing, and his large hand crept over to my thigh.
His rough fingers drew dizzying circles on the soft skin, sending indescribable waves of satisfaction throughout my body.
"Yes. I'm a persistent person. Are you trying to distract me?" I narrowed my eyes. I didn't want him to pull his hand away, but I wanted to know why he was staring at me.
"No, I wouldn't dare." Dean grinned, continuing his slow patterns, much to my relief. "It's just, you said you're not the kind of girl for the long term, right?"
"Yeah, I did. . ." I said, furrowing my brows.
Panic had begun to settle in at the vagueness of his question. I didn't like where this was headed, at all. The only reason I accepted his offer to hang out was because I was under the premise that he felt the same way as me.
He laughed. "Relax. I'm not here to tie you down. You've made it clear that you and commitment don't mix. Plus, I'm leaving soon remember?"
I visibly relaxed, releasing a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Okay, good. You scared me for a second."
"I was just thinking, you don't make it easy on the guys that fall for you, do you?" His eyes sparkled with faint admiration, and my face warmed.
Believe it or not, I wasn't too sure if many people actually fell for me. I never gave anyone enough of myself for them to find something to attach to. Maybe, if at all, it was the idea of me. Not me in the larger sense. I knew as well as anyone else I was a hard person to fall in love with.
