This Boy

4. Confusion

  Confusion was taking over my life. What was happening to me? I didn't even want to push Paul away. 

  Paul softly placed a hand on my chest and as we kissed passionately, he pushed me back down to the muddy grass. Still, licking my lips, making my body go tense, he came and lay on top of me. I stroked, twisted and pulled at his clothes and his hair. He began to make unbarable sounds, almost like a moaning-panting. Why was he doing this to me? To me? Suddenly, I couldn't think of anything other than, "Paul". He parted his legs to place them on either sides of my body. I couldn't help but to make the similar sound as Paul, but a rougher sort. I could feel his shaky knees on my skin as my shirt and jumper moved up my body. Paul moved his body in such a way that I could hold a smile. His body was endlessly rubbing against mine and his hands were going all over me. He rolled over and now I was on top of him. I just couldn't believe how much I was enjoying him with me. It felt so perfect.

  "John," Paul panted lying under me as I kissed his neck. "You're so be-"

  Paul was cut off by a distant voice of a familiar police-man, "Lennon? Is that you?"

  Paul and I totally froze. We could be imprisoned for what we'd just been enjoying. 

  "Oh, just get you gal and get off the fields! Get under some shelter, already! Your aunt's gonna kill me if she sees you catch a cold!"

  I looked at Paul and grinned. The police-man was called, Tim and he was far away. Tim always had a bad eye-sight and for some reason he never wore glasses. Well, I didn't either but that's because I didn't look as good as I looked without them- Tim looked terrible both ways! He didn't have a reason. Perhaps, he couldn't pay. 

  "Did he just say, 'gal', John?" Paul asked, about to explode with joy.

  "Mhm." I nodded. "Well, c'mon 'gal', we've got to get off the fields!"

  They waved at Tim and made their ways some-where else: with happy faces.

  "What time is it, John?" 

  "School's still going, Paul."

  "Should we go back?"

  "What?"

  "Yeah," Paul bit his lower lip. Then looked into my eyes, "Tell the reception, I'm better, ye know."

  "But, Paulie-"

  Paul suddenly pulled me into a hug. He was such a softy- a sweet, darling baby. "Please, John, I'm scared."

  I sighed them let go off him, "Ah..." 

  He looked at me with circle eyes.

  "Okay, fine." I said. "Let's go."

  He kissed my cheek, happily, like a girl and said, "Thank you, John!"

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  After going back to school, I tried to stay away from Paul. Why? Because I was not sure of what the hell was going on! It was so crazy. I knew I liked Paul and fine, I get it- I was queer but that's not what was bothering me! It was how Paul was behaving. He acted like he and I had been together for long years now. First, he was so shy to tell me about his feelings and now, he didn't even hesitate a little! How could it be? That's so strange.

  It was the last bell that had gone off and I knew that Paul was rushing to see me like he always did. But it wasn't the same 'seeing' anymore. I knew that now Paul would mean it like a couple but I was ready for whatever was at the top of his head as his goal. 

  "John?" it was the youngest member of the Quarrymen, Harrison.

  "George!" I smiled nervously.

  He frowned with a suspicious look on his face, "Why are rushing? You're usually the last one to leave."

  I looked at him and then looking back at my bag, I zipped it shut.

  "Detension?"

  "No, not today." I said and waved at him, "See you later George!"

  "John!" he ran after me, "What about the band meeting?" he said catching up with me.

  "Oh yeah," I sighed. "Tell all the lads, no meeting tonight. I'm off!"

  "Aren't you gonna wait for Paul?"

  "Nein!" I laughed. "You do that for little Paulie!" and ran out of the main gate.

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  That night, I lay awake in my bed. Again. I couldn't sleep. Two days- no sleep. How was I managing to do that? Why didn't I just faint?! I should've just told Paul to school and got some rest in the little hiding space in Strawberry Fields.

  Paul is so beautiful. Oh... I like so much- so easily. Does he feel me in the same way? Should I ask-

  I was startled out of nowhere when my clock read, a quarter past one, by the sound of the telephone ringing. I heard Mimi's bedroom door open and her footsteps- fast- down the stairs.

  "Hello," her voice came muffled upstairs. "Who is this?"

  Silent.

  "Oh, okay but John is asleep. Call tomorrow morning okay, child?"

  Silent.

  "Okay, Paul. Goodnight!"

  My eyes widened. Why did Paul call now?

Thank you for reading everyone!

Love and Peace

TS