Withered (Michaeng) ✔️

Chapter 19: Grudge

Mina doesn't attend her classes when unpleasant physical symptoms affect her feelings in the early weeks of pregnancy. Nausea and sometimes vomiting is happening all day, and occasionally be very severe. She also has to deal with new emotions arise. She's anxious all this time during these early weeks and still finds it hard to believe it's really happening to her. But despite all of that, somehow there is also joy and excitement.

It seems that the sudden pregnancy is too much for her weak body. Mina was born prematurely. While some premature babies have serious medical complications or long-term health problems, many also go on to live normal healthy lives including Mina. Some people suffer development disabilities, infections of the lungs or brain, asthma, hearing loss and many more. Luckily, the latter's case was not that critical but her immune system is weaker compared to normal people.

That's why her parents always pay more attention to her since a common cold can lead to more when it's for Mina. The girl doesn't want her child to feel the same pain she carried all her life. Determine to take good care of her child and give birth to a healthy baby.

These days, she keeps feeling tired and run down, having tender breasts, dizzy and sometimes faint. She has been resting inside her room all day, and have no energy to go anywhere. Her family especially her mother always beside her since she knows more, taking good care of her daughter.

Though the girl wants to meet Jeongyeon, her body won't allow it. She doesn't want to let the guy hanging and waiting for her, trusting her lies. She feels guilty and embarrassed to tell him the truth. She comes with a conclusion to break up with him rather than explaining herself. She can't bear to sees Jeongyeon in pain when he learns to knows what happen to her.

She doesn't expect that Jeongyeon will come and visit her without her knowing. The guy can't accept Mina break up call and rush to her house. Soon after he arrived, he goes upstairs knocking on Mina's bedroom. He's anxious and worried at the same time. Although he knows something is wrong with the latter these past few weeks, Mina asked him to wait and he did but the breakup call is so uncalled for.

The door swings open revealing Mrs Myoui with a panic look as she cries. Talking like she doesn't have enough time to say what she needs to. Her words are crowded together and some are missing. Jeongyeon leaves bewildered, trying to catch anything. He averts his eyes to the bed and walks inside when Mrs Myoui pointing there and her words become clear. She's asking for help and ask Jeongyeon to take Mina to the hospital. He runs towards Mina who's sitting against the headboard, bleeding as she bites her lips in an attempt to endure the pain inside her stomach and the cramps.

Jeongyeon almost falls on his knees when he sees blood. He does not move a single muscle and stand still, sweat dripping down his temple while his eyes shaking. Some flash of memories that he wants to forget playing inside his mind, blurring his vision and makes him lose his focus. Mina's scream snaps him from his awful experience and he quickly dashes towards the girl, carried her straight to his car.

They go to the nearest clinic and waits outside as Mina gets to examine. Jeongyeon is still breathing hard and walk towards Mrs Myoui, consoling the already crying woman. He excuses himself to the bathroom and washes his hands that covered by blood. He splashes some water on his face and looks up, staring at his reflection. He closes his eyes, struggling in coping with flashbacks and dissociation that just encountering his triggers.

He walks out and waits for another hour before the doctors allow them to see Mina. He's so confused and tries to make any sense of it. He keeps asking Mrs Myoui regarding Mina's condition but she won't tell him anything but wanted her daughter to confess. Soon, all of the family members are there and all of them are so concern. They get inside Mina's room, and there she is lying helplessly, looking so thin and pale.

Jeongyeon waits at the corner of the room with both his hands inside his pocket as the Myoui surround Mina. Worried can be seen on their face. They talk to the girl for some time then Mina notices him. He beams a smile and makes stupid faces causing Mina to chuckle at the sight.

Mr Myoui clears his throat and walks towards Jeongyeon. He straightens his posture, gazing rather intensely as Mr Myoui approach him. Mr Myoui put his hand on Jeongyeon's shoulder and thanking him, which makes him force a smile.

Then they left, leaving Jeongyeon and Mina alone. He walks closer and sits on the chair beside the bed. The girl seems to avoid eye contact and just stare at the other side. Jeongyeon heard the conversation between the doctors and Mina most likely miscarriage and they will put another test tomorrow since the mother is in more risk so they let her rest for now.

He has a lot to ask, a lot to say and a lot to explain but seeing the girl, he keeps it to himself for now and does what he could do the best. To wait, until Mina tell him everything, he won't force her. Silence engulfs them as no one say a single word. He only wants to make sure that the girl is alright and want to be there for her.

He then heard a sobbing sound and get worried since he can't see her face. He walks to the other side just to witness Mina's tears tracing her cheeks.

Now Mina's right in front of him. Her fingers are white-knuckled which then holding the edge of Jeongyeon sweater, asking him if the baby will be OK. He tells her yes over and over again, stroking her back. Thinking that he needs to calm the girl.

Jeongyeon wipes the crystal bead that keeps escaping Mina's eyes. He isn't pushing the girl and just be there for her. If only he can do something to makes Mina feels better than he will, but there's nothing he can do.

The girl stops crying and trying her best to sit up. Jeongyeon helps her to sit properly, making sure he doesn't put any unnecessary pressure on her stomach.

"Why don't you ask anything?" Mina says, she keeps her head low as she fidgeting with her fingers. Jeongyeon is aware that the latter looks so bothered and uncomfortable to talk.

"I won't force you if you don't want to talk about it. I can wait. Just tell me what to do so I can make you feel better" He says as he moves his hand to hold Mina's. He freezes when the latter flinch by his touch and pull her hands.

"Please, stop pushing me. Are you really want to break up. You hate me that much?" He monotoned. Mina doesn't say anything neither Jeongyeon. He stands and walks away.

As for Mina, she's afraid of Jeongyeon's reaction when he knows the truth. She doesn't want to see him hurting because of her. What if he'll go mad and blame her? Will he think she's disgusting? What if she hurt him? That's exactly what keeps the girl from telling the truth.

*  *  *  *

Jeongyeon walks himself to the rooftop, screaming his lungs out. He ruffles his hair in frustration then punching the railing repeatedly. His knuckle starts to bleed. A tear rolls down from his left eyes and he quickly wipes his face.

He regains himself and sits on the bench still sniffling quietly. He thought he has no emotion left, that he is doing perfectly now but the pain comes to him like a new fresh pain although he had to go through it countless time. He hates whatever feeling that washes over him now. He never knows it will hurt him this deep.

The blackness and loneliness seem so familiar to him. He tilts his head skyward and sees a clearly millions of bright stars dotted on the black canvas of night. Somehow, it makes him feel at ease. A faint smile crosses his face as he exhales a deep breath.

"I miss you so much, mom. Don't get me wrong, I still resent you for leaving me alone....you should just have taken me with you...then I don't need to be hurt or hold this damn grudge" He half-whisper, it's too much, too heavy that it's drowning him. Feels like he will never be okay again.   You'll never beat a monster if you don't become one. And now, he is a monster.

-to be continued-