A Twist of Fate ✔

Ch. 25

But he wasn't there anymore. Luke wasn't there anymore. She wouldn't let him have more than he already took. She wouldn't let him ruin her present or steal her future. She was in control now. She would no longer allow his rusted chains around her heart, no longer enslave herself to a moment. 

A moment that could've been worse. That should've been worse.

She was still alive. Still breathing.

But, that dark place isn't the end. Remember that the darkness of night precedes the dawn. And as long as your heart still beats, this is not the death of it. You don't have to die here. Sometimes, the ocean floor is only a stop in the journey. And it is when you are at this lowest point, that you are faced with a choice. You can stay there at the bottom, until you drown. Or you can gather pearls and rise back up—stronger from the swim, and richer from the jewels. **

Instead of running to shelter during the storm, she threw herself into the heart of it, allowing the lightening to strike her over and over again. Every night she spent crying, every day she watched the sun rise and set from her bed rather than the prayer mat was giving up. It was losing. 

Who were her monsters in light of Allah? How big were her sins in comparison to Allah's mercy?

No one was hurting her now... no one but herself. It took a long time for her to come to this conclusion. It took a lot of rough nights, overdosed sadness to realize these truths. She was giving in when she was worth much more. She wronged herself. And the relief, the cure to the guilt, was in front of her all along. Waiting patiently on the bookshelf, calling out even as the dust continued to pile over it. She neglected it, abandoned it. Consciously made that decision. 

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." (Quran 39:53)

Allah was waiting for her to turn to Him once again. She was the one who left, but if she took one step forward, He would take two. If she went walking, He would come running.

Incomparable was His love. Unmatched was His mercy.

And endless was His forgiveness.

If Allah could forgive her, then she should be able to forgive herself. And rid her heart of the poison she forced upon it. The sorrow, grief, loathing and despair. Bundle it all up and place it at the heart of her prayer mat. Let it go, to the best of Healers. Release her tired soul into the caring Light of her Lord. The One who never disappoints, who never wrongs. Who never leaves.

Because everyone else leaves, eventually. Even angels.

If you seek Him, God can raise you up, and replace the darkness of the ocean, with the light of His sun. He can transform what was once your greatest weakness into your greatest strength, and a means of growth, purification and redemption. Know that transformation sometimes begins with a fall. So never curse the fall. The ground is where humility lives. Take it. Learn it, breathe it in. And then come back stronger, humbler and more aware of your need for Him. Come back having seen your own nothingness and His greatness. Know that if you have seen that Reality, you have seen much. For, the one who is truly deceived is the one who sees him own self—but not His creator. Deprived is the one who has never witnessed his own desperate need for God. Reliant on his own means, he forgets that the means, his own soul, and everything else in existence are His creation.**

Seek God to bring you back up, for when He does, He will rebuild your ship. The heart that you thought was forever damaged will be mended. What was shattered will be whole again. Know that only He can do this. Seek Him.**

Laila felt like a newborn baby. She was retraining herself, slowly gluing back the shattered pieces of her heart with her renowned love for Allah. With every verse she read, every lecture she listened to, and every time her forehead pressed against the ground, Laila felt more and more at peace. It settled into her, comfortably, like a missing puzzle piece. Throughout her life, she always placed something or someone above Allah, whether it was consciously or not, and it eventually led to her ruin. Everything was finite. And everyone was fallible.

So, the only way to ever truly attain eternal bliss was through perfection. And perfection could not be found anywhere but in Islam, with Allah. And once Laila finally realized the truth and came to terms with the reality of life, she felt happy. Not the temporary happiness, provided by a few simple pleasures but disappeared when things went wrong. Rather, it was the forever kind, the contentment kind. The kind that stayed even through hardships. Because the soul found it's place and was equipped with it's armor. 

To Laila, it was a win-win.

"So, Allah gave them the return in this world and also the better rewards in the Hereafter. Allah loves those who do good," (Quran 3:148)

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A/N: Don't worry, the story isn't over just yet! Click on that little star and continue reading, you beautiful person. ❤

  ** -> transcript from a speech given by Yasmin Mogahed. The italics are her words, not mine! You can find the full lecture here: http://www.yasminmogahed.com/category/lectures/audio-lectures/