Pained

Chapter 5

Catherine's Point Of View

The next week or so went by without me noticing. I didn't have to fight except once and it was against Shauna. I won. Tobias was second after Eric. I was second to last, so I most likely was going to fight next week. I dreaded it. I wasn't very good. The weapon I was good with was knives, apparently I was a natural with them. Tobias tried to help me with the physical training, but I couldn't do it.

I was sitting on my bed, when I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe. It was the middle of the night. I needed air. I ran out of the room, and headed towards the one place I knew I could get air. The Chasm.

I stood there. Infront of it. Air finally finding my lungs. I leaned on the barrier. I took slow, deep breaths. "Are you going to jump?" Asked someone behind me startling me. I looked back and saw Eric. "No," I answered.

"Then what are you doing?" He asked stepping closer.

"I just needed air."

"Ok. What are you doing now?" He asked standing next to me, analyzing me.

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Everything. Past, present, and future." I couldn't tell him that since the Choosing Ceremony, the only thing I could think of was Mother. Everytime I think I'm happy, my reminders play in my mind. On queue.

"What are you really thinking about?" He asked finally relaxing.

"If I can do this. If I have it in me. I am weak. I have always been and always will be."

"Are you serious? Don't tell me you believe that. Look, I didn't know you before, but what you did took alot of strength. I saw something in you at the Choosing Ceremony. I saw strength. Amar sees it. Tori sees it. We all do. You just need to see it in you. 'Cause when you do, you'll be the best one here," he said forcing me to look at him. I couldn't help myself. I hugged him. He didn't pull back. Neither did I. I don't know how long we stood there. It was amazing. I didn't pull back, and neither did he. He held me tighter as if afraid I'd let go.

The next day, I spent the morning in the dining hall. I usually had breakfast with Tobias and Zeke. Zeke was as always grilling us about our "relationship".

"So tell me one more time. I don't think I understand."

"Zeke, it's simple. We grew up together. He was like my brother. Then we got engaged, and now we're friends." I explained to Zeke for the millionth time. "We were supposed to both choose Abnegation, and get married within a week."

"Instead you chose Dauntless, and aren't getting married? That part is still unclear."

"We're not getting married because we don't love each other. At least not that way," Tobias explained to Zeke for the thousandth time.

"Yeah that's the part I don't get, Four. Why wouldn't you fall in love with Raven? I mean look at her. Almost every guy is waiting for her to be a member, so they can ask her out. What guy in his right mind wouldn't fall in love with her?" Zeke said making me laugh.

"Zeke, for the millionth time, I see her as my sister. She sees me as her brother. Now drop it, and eat your toast." Tobias shut him up.

I could feel someone staring at me. I looked over my shoulder, and saw Adrienne, a Candor-born initiate. "She staring at you again?" Tobias asked.

"Yeah, that girl hates me."

"What'd you ever do to piss her off, Raven?" Zeke asked while chewing. Everytime someone called me Raven, Tobias would give me a look. Everytime someone called him Four, I'd give him one.

"I don't know. She just doesn't like me."

"I think it's because she's blond and has blue eyes, and is used to every guy being in love with her. Then you walked in, and you take it away." Zeke said although neither me nor Tobias was paying attention. I just sat their focusing on my muffin instead of thinking about my upcoming fight. Eric's words popped into my head and made me smile.

As Tobias and I walked towards the pit, Zeke came running towards us. Panting he said, "Raven, you're fighting Adrienne."