To Defend A Duke

Chapter 34

Evelyn sinks to the floor on the other side of the door and hugs her knees. The hollow feeling is still present in her stomach, it seems to be clinging to every part of her being and crushing it. She doesn't speak as she tries to process what has just happened. Her mind is telling her she should be sad that Lawrence is going but her heart is bleeding for another.

"Where is he going?" Lucy asks, crouching down to look at her mistress's face, when she meets Evelyn's eyes, she is surprised to see tears sparkling in their depths.

"He's going home." Evelyn sniffles, "For a month."

"He'll be back, I know he will," Lucy reassures, "He adores you."

"Oh yes, most likely." Evelyn almost laughs. Lucy shifts onto her knees and edges closer.

"If you know that then why are you upset that he's going?"

"I am not upset about him," Evelyn admits, a small sob escaping.

"But he just left..." Lucy says, confused. "I thought you liked him?"

"I do like him, he's a lovely person but he's not for me," Evelyn says, taking deep breaths to stop the tears, "I am sad he's going home but I am not upset, he has a duty to his family."

"But...how? What? He's handsome, charming, foreign and interesting! He's perfect!" Lucy cries a bit too loudly.

"Shh!" Evelyn whispers, placing a finger to her lips, "True, he is a good friend, but I know he's not mine,"

Lucy gapes at her, struggling to say a word.

Evelyn wipes her tears away. "Tonight, when I was watching the village girls dance with him, I saw undeniable happiness on their faces. My undeniable happiness is not here, or with him." She explains, "Even If I wanted him it is so obvious, he is not to be with me. I tried to make him something I wanted but he is not what I want."

Lucy nods, finally understanding, "Do you know who you want?" She asks tentatively.

Evelyn's heart breaks a little as she thinks about the duke, living his life in London without her.

"I am not sure. He makes me not perfect and...and I love it," She says quietly, more to herself than anyone else.

"Could he be your undeniable happiness?" Lucy wonders, hope in her eyes.

"I don't know," Evelyn says honestly, "But I want to be his."

"It sounds like you are rather sure of your feelings," Lucy says.

"I think I could be 100% sure of my feelings and still not act upon them." Evelyn says, "But regardless Lawrence reminded me that I have a duty to my family and running away from feelings isn't a justified reason to abandon them." Being wanted for murder is, she adds in her head. "I need to go back to London as soon as possible."

"Of course, I can arrange a carriage for 8 am. Shall I send a letter to London, so they know you are coming?" Lucy asks, getting to her feet.

"No," Evelyn says quickly, "And with the carriage, nothing too expensive, a basic one will do."

"Whatever you wish miss." Lucy says, "I'll wake you for breakfast."

"You are an angel," Evelyn says as she stands and hugs the cook. Lucy pats her cheek affectionately and then disappears down the servants' entrance.

Evelyn looks around the entranceway, the prospect that this time tomorrow she'll be in London is terrifying to her but the idea of seeing her family and Blackmoore again overrides the fear in her throat. The risk has suddenly become worth it. She slowly makes her way up to her bedroom, taking in every inch of the house, she has a strange feeling she won't be coming back here again.