Cupcakes at Midnight

Chapter 13

She nods, but doesn't say anything. I can see the tears in her eyes. It sort of breaks my heart to leave, but I walk down the stairs slowly, steadying my head and my heart. Willing them to align and be reasonable.

When I get into my car, I plug my phone in to charge and exhale.

I'll text Ivy when I get home, make it up to my boss at work tomorrow, and life will march forward fairly normally for me. I wish I could say that Ava's would follow the same path, but I know it won't. She's going to have major ups and downs, and things will even out eventually, but she's got to want to get there for that to happen. She seems motivated.

Almost as if on auto-pilot, I arrive home. Cat is eager to see and sniff me, giving me a look of betrayal when he smells Ava.

"I know, buddy. She'll come see you soon."

I'm not sure it's true, but it makes me feel better to say it.

I walk around my house with a new appreciation. There are photographs on my walls, stories and memories. I'm lucky to have been able to buy this place a few years back. It's small, but cozy. It's mine.

After I got divorced, I wasn't sure I would ever have anything that was mine ever again. I was convinced I wouldn't be able to move on, wouldn't be able to find a new baseline. But I had before, and I will again, if anything shatters my world.

Pulling a mug down from the cabinet, I start the kettle and grab a bag of tea. I pick Lady Grey, because it reminds me so much of my mom. The tears start without me even realizing it, and I grab my phone to text her. It's just a few words, but I know she won't ask questions.

Can you visit?

She texts me back after a few minutes and it's a picture of her packed bag, along with the words see you soon honey and my whole body relaxes.

I check the fridge and think about what to make for dinner. She'll probably arrive late, so I'm not sure she'll even want to eat. Just her normal bowl of ice cream, maybe.

The thought makes me smile, and check the freezer.

Sure enough, I'm out of her favorite brand of butter pecan, so I ruffle Cat's scruff, change my clothes, and jump back into the car. While I'm at the store, I grab a few other things I know she loves and everything to make a chicken Caesar salad with fresh, homemade croutons.

When I get back home, I check the sheets on the guest bed. I can't remember the last person who visited, but I know I cleaned everything back up, so I'm set there. There's a towel in the bathroom, and I dig out my mom's favorite soaps that I keep stashed away for when she and dad visit.

I chop the salad and cube up the bread, listening to my favorite songs while I work. My phone chirps and I think it's Mom giving me an update, but it's a text from Ava.

thank you for being here

I don't really know what to say back, so I leave the message without a reply for the moment. When dinner is ready, I open a bottle of wine and let it breathe on the counter. I decide to fix a snack plate for us.

Finally, when there's no more puttering I can possibly do in the kitchen, I head back into the living room and fall into the couch. Cat curls up on my stomach and I pet him as he purrs louder than ever.

I know that I'm going to need to talk to someone other than Cindy about the emotions that are stirred up inside of me, and it feels unfair to burden my mom, but she also feels like the right person. I can't continue to carry everything; I get brief respite from the ache in my chest and the pit in my stomach, but it's becoming too much.