LANDSLIDE, james potter [2]

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Lyra had been haunted by the nightmares she thought she had vanquished years ago. Every single night, she could see James Potter, suffering and in pain. She had seen that pained face and heard his screams every night for years. Somewhere along the way, they disappeared as she seemed closer to healing from her loss. 

Not anymore. They were back and worse than ever. Because now, she couldn't only imagine how he would look, bloody and in pain. How he would look while dying. Because she had seen it and it was worse than she could ever imagine. 

It was a constant reminder of all the pain she had caused. All because she had tried to be good. So it was more than a reminder of how she failed those she loved. It was a reminder of how she had failed at being good.

Maybe she could never be a good person, no matter how hard she tried. It always seemed to end up causing someone misery in the end. Maybe everything she was doing now was a big mistake. Being best friends with Remus again, getting back her close relationship with Sirius, trying to be there for Harry. 

But she knew she was pushing herself down. It couldn't be true, because if goodness only caused misery, then all the amazing people she knew had to be a fluke in the universe. And she knew so many people whom she adored and looked up to. There couldn't be that many flukes. 

The girl she once was, naive and trusting, was only meant for misery when she did good. Because she didn't know how to tell when the good she saw was only a mask hiding the bad. 

Lyra was many things now, not all of them good. But no longer naive. She had seen so much pain and suffering. Hell, she'd gone through her fair share on her own. She didn't trust many people anymore, but she trusted herself. 

So she wanted to make amends. Those amends started with her son, who had suffered through growing up in a family where he knew his parents didn't love each other, though they did love him. He needed a lot of attention, even though he would never admit it. She hadn't given him as much of it lately with her time mostly spent working secretly for the Order of the Phoenix.

But every moment she could, she'd been helping him. Whether it was through explaining some of the Transfiguration coursework he was having trouble understanding or by taking him to buy some new (very expensive) dress robes. He seemed to appreciate it, though he was usually bad at showing it. She knew how to read him though. She'd had fifteen years of practice, after all. 

It didn't hurt that Lucius and Lyra had been fighting a lot less that summer. It wasn't only because both of them were out of the house a lot more (ironically working for opposing sides of a brewing war). They had a silent agreement to either ignore each other or be civil. Neither of them wanted more fighting. It was tiring and they had enough to do these days. 

Draco loved it. He had accepted years ago that his parents would never love each other. Sometimes he even doubted if they loved him, though he was always proven wrong and realized it was all in his head because of his insecurities.

But his parents were getting along better than they had in around ten years. They were even making idle conversation with their arms linked (though that last part was only for show) as they were dropping him off for his fifth year at Hogwarts. It was as good as it was ever going to get so he appreciating it greatly. 

"Alright, Draco. I have faith that you will do well. O.W.L.-year is one of the hardest, yet most important years of your school career," said Lucius stoically. Draco was mostly happy he had faith in him, honestly. 

Lyra smiled softly at her young son. "I'm really proud of you. Don't put too much pressure on yourself this year."

"But not too little either. We don't want you to slack off," the father added, giving his wife a pointed look. She only rolled her eyes and lightly pinched his arm, thinking Draco didn't notice. He noticed.