Misophonia - A newtmas AU

46

Tommy 🌻 unblocked Newt
 
Glader gc

Tommy 🌻
Hey guys, just letting everyone know I've unblocked Newt so talking on this gc will be easier :)

Newt
Thanks Tommy x
Can we talk?

Tommy 🌻
Later, I'm about to head to practice. Just wanted everyone to know

Newt
Okay x

Thomas
What am I supposed to say to him? That even though we live so far apart I want a relationship with him and I don't want him to see anyone else? Is that selfish? Is it unfair to ask that of him? Because I'd do it for him in a heartbeat. I can't even imagine being with anyone other than Newt. He's the only one for me. Clearly, I'm not the one for him if he can still have sex with other people. Maybe I just need to end this before I get more hurt.
My brain was spinning with questions as I ran down the track. It doesn't make any sense that Newt would say all this stuff to me if he didn't like me, right? Or maybe he would? Maybe he was just being friendly. Maybe he's just a flirty guy. That would make sense.
I saw Minho up ahead so I pushed just a little harder, determined to beat him. Only 300 meters left. My feet pounded the track, desperation and anger taking over my body. Fuck Newt. Why can't I stay mad at him? He doesn't deserve my forgiveness. Or does he? Technically we've never said we're exclusive. It's not like we're together, he didn't actually cheat on me. But he should have known. He clearly doesn't understand me like I thought he did.
100 meters. Minho was only a few strides ahead of me. I could beat him. Newt has so many issues too. Could I even be with him? We've never met in real life. This misophonia thing might be a problem if we were to meet. How are we supposed to go on dates if he can't sit next to someone who's eating? Maybe it's not that bad. I don't know. Why do I care so much about this dumb British boy who keeps messing with me?
The finish line. Minho beats me. Obviously. He always does. I collapse on the floor trying to get my breath back. A personal record. I wonder what Newt would say right now if he were here. I'm sure he'd crack some dumb joke about how he'd take me right here on this track. I miss his dumb jokes. I want him in my life.
I want him in my life but can I handle it?