Losing The Dream

Prolouge

"Stop photographing me, Jana!" Reklamo ko at tinakpan ang mukha nang makitang sa 'kin na naman nakatutok ang DSLR ng kaibigan.

"Come on, Stella! Just pose for a picture. I haven't seen you for... uhm what? Six years!" Reklamo n'ya rin.

I just went home from Amsterdam. I can't believe that I really decided to come back here after promising that I will never step my feet again in this country.

"Gosh, you're still the same. You're so fortunate 'cause you weren't even jailed for taking pictures of people without their permission." I shook my head.

"Oh my god, look at this. It's perfect!" She said with excitement before showing me her shots.

The side of my lips rose up, realizing that she's still good in taking pictures. I asked her to send me the photos later so I can post them on Instagram.

I spent my first week in the Philippines meeting friends that I missed for six years. Some of them are happy to see me while the others are surprised. I was surprised too.

"Are you seeing your doctor, Stell?" Jian, my brother, asked as we were in the middle of our dinner.

I gently shook my head. "My doctor's in Amsterdam, Jian. What do you expect me to do?"

"I'll appoint a new doctor for you." He replied before sipping on his glass.

I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath. I don't get the point why I still need to meet a doctor ro check on me. I'm fine now! It was six years ago. It's all in the past now. I'm healed.

"Are you planning to stay here for good?" He asked again.

"Perhaps? 'Di ako sigurado, Ji." I answered and stopped eating.

Maybe staying here for good is not on my plan yet. I'm not ready. Everything is coming back to me as if I never went through some therapy.

"Omg! I missed you so much, Stella! You became prettier!" I ran towards my college friends  who came to visit me.

"I hope so." I chuckled and made them sit on the sofa.

I had a lot of fun with them. I can't stop myself smiling, just like the old times, 'cause they're with me. I'm so proud of them of course. They're all now successful in their own field of expertise.

"I'm sorry... wala kami noong panahong kailangan mo kami." I plastered a smile on my lips to assure everyone that it's okay.

"Don't be sorry. It was my fault, anyway. I didn't tell anyone what I was going through back at the times." I answered.

I needed them. I... I wish they were there for me during the times that I needed them the most. But I understand their busy time.

"It's not your fault. We failed to notice that something's wrong with you."

I couldn't stand talking about my gloomy past. It seems like I was reminiscing everything that happened to me and it makes me sick.

Today is sunday and I am standing in front of my whole body mirror to check on myself. I'm going to meet my new Psychologist today. I wore a simple white cami dress and a pair of pumps. I soft curled my hair and applied light make up, too.

"You're leaving?" Jian asked and I nodded. "I'll ask Mang Adolfo to send you."

Tahimik lang ako sa buong biyahe papuntang Vida Doctors Hospital. I hate going to Hospitals but I learned to live with it six years ago.

"Good morning, I'm here for Doctor B-bonifacio." I sounded so nervous when I talked to the medical receptionist.

I was just informed that my Psychiatrist is a Bonifacio and I can't do anything about it. I need to be checked up.

"Hi, Ma'am. Are you Stella Eleanor Carlos po?" He asked with a smile. I nodded. "Yes, Miss Carlos. Dr. Bonifacio is waiting for you in the Psychiatric Ward in 3rd floor."

I thanked the receptionist before I turned my back. As I was nearing the ward, the more I get nervous. I think I already know who my Psychiatrist is.

And just how I thought it will be. Solen Bonifacio is my assigned doctor. I smiled a little but it faded when I met someone's eyes. He's wearing his coat while talking to a girl in a coat too with a stethoscope on her neck.

He changed a lot. He grew taller but he still looks the same. When I said a lot, I meant his personality. He looks more serious now.

I felt my heart beating so fast when our eyes met. I straightened my back to look formal and not nervous at all. That look... it wasn't like the one he used to give me before. Yeah, right! Why would he look at me the same way before when everything has changed, huh?

"Oh, speaking. You're new client is here already, Doc." The girl smiled and looked at Solen and immediately looked at Sebastian with sparks on her eyes. "She's Miss Stella Carlos."

I smiled at her and tried to keep my poise when Seb stared at me for a while.

"Stella Eleanor Carlos, Doctor Bonifacio." I said formally and extended my arm. Solen and I shook our hands.

I also extended it for Sebastian and I felt ashamed when he didn't accepted it quickly so I was about to pull it out but he took it. Finally.

"Louis Sebastian Bonifacio, Miss Carlos." He said in a formal tone and avoided my gaze. I can't help but feel disappointed for some reason.

We achieved our dreams... but we lost us.

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