Losing The Dream

09

"Yet, Stella. We're nothing yet. Let's give it a try, please." He held my hands as his voice started to break too.

"You'll be engaged next week, Sebastian! Don't ruin your parents' plans for you!" I shouted. Tears started to fall again.

"I don't care about their plans, Stella! You're my only plan." I don't know what to feel and what to react. I gently shook my head and removed his hands on me.

"Being a doctor is your plan, Sebastian. Your dream came first before me. So choose it over me. You're just attached." I explained with a heavy heart. "You can't choose me because from the very start, we all know how much love you have for Surgery."

"I don't care who and what came first, Stell! You own me. Take me, love, please." He cried. "You're the dream, Stella. I'm willing to give up everything for you." That's when everything about me started to lose. Hearing that seems like a warm hand caressing my heavy heart. I cried on his chest as I also felt how warm is his tears on my shoulder.

"Can you hear yourself?" I asked weakly. "You will not choose me over your career... I don't like to be the reason for you to lose your hardworks, sacrifices, and your own family." I uttered the last word with a low voice. I can feel him shaking as he process everything that comes out of my mouth.

"Then I'll lose them, Stell. I will start with you. They can take everything from me but not my freedom to choose you." I parted in our hug revealing how wet my eyes are from crying. His face is red already.

"Y-you don't understand, Seb. I want you to reach for your dream---" I tried to speak but he stopped me by speaking too.

"Reaching for it means losing you, Stell. T-the moment that I saw you, I already knew where it is going. The first time that I was with you, I already realized that I'm willing to give up everything I have just to b-be with you." I felt a pang of pain in my heart. Every word that he says breaks me. He like me but there's no lifetime for us. Realizing it seems like a thousand of daggers aiming to kill me emotionally.

"T-then that's not what I want for you, Sebastian." I trailed off. "I-i want you to reach your dream and be successful so everytime that I'll see you, I will still smile and tell to myself that I was part of that success." I faked a smile and fighting the urge to not to sound sad. "Can you do it for me, please?" I demanded.

"Anything, Stell... but not that one." His eyes watered more. "'W-wag mo naman akong itulak palayo. K-kahit hindi mo 'ko piliin... Sabihin mo lang sa 'kin na mag-stay ako sa'yo, gagawin ko---" I shook my head while still crying.

"Y-you can't do that, Sebastian! I don't want you to go through hardships. Your dream, Sebastian... I don't want you to lose it." I begged and held his hands. It's cold.

"I don't mind how much hardship I'll get as long as I'm with you, Stell. Please, take me." Hearing his sobs shatters me.

"S-sebastian, please... Just do it for me..." My hands traveled on his face and wiped his tears. I saw and realized how helpless he looks like.

"Iba na lang, Stell. 'W-wag 'yan... that's h-hurting me, Stell..." I dropped a kiss on his cheeks. He closed his eyes, tears dropped more.

"It's hurting me too, Sebastian. It hurts me a lot. I want to keep you, gusto kitang i-ipagdamot pero wala naman tayong magagawa." I said in pain.

"Ipagdamot mo 'ko. You can keep me. Just don't push me away." I smiled bitterly and looked away.

"I-isabella... She's the best for y-you. She's a kind woman. She will love you. S-she's..." I said half heartedly. Hindi ko na magawang ituloy pa ang mga sinasabi ko dahil mas lalo akong nasasaktan. I wish I am her.