electric // mike wheeler

Numb

It had been a long time since Tee had felt numb, and it had never been as bad as it was on the night of the Fourth of July.

When Joyce and Murray had found her holding onto Alexei's dead body, they didn't know what to say or do. It was clear the two had a good friendship and cared deeply for each other - the fact that Alexei had died for her was proof enough of that.

Joyce was the first one to move, carefully moving Tee's body away from Alexei's. Tee didn't fight it, she didn't react to Joyce's presence, she didn't even notice who it was moving her. She couldn't take her eyes away from him, she couldn't speak, she couldn't make a noise.

She couldn't do anything.

Joyce and Murray were able to get her to the car, her hand not letting go of the stuffed woody woodpecker Alexei had given her in his last moments. They'd tried talking to her, but she didn't respond. She didn't make eye contact - it was as if she wasn't even in her body. She wasn't there.

Nothing was registering in her head when Hopper got in the car, panting out after running from the Russians. He turned to see the sight of his daughter looking down, hugging a stuffed toy to her chest, dried blood on her hands, arms, legs, shirt and a dried hand mark on her face where Alexei had cupped her cheek. He turned to Murray, who was also looking at Tee in sorrow. He'd lost his friend too, him and Alexei making a good pair.

The car ride was silent.

When they got out, they were at the front of StarCourt mall. Murray, Hopper and Joyce got out of the car slowly, Joyce turning to Tee and opening the car door for her, but the girl didn't move.

"Tee? Tee, baby, can you hear me?" Joyce asked the girl as Hopper and Murray watched from where they stood in front of the car. She carefully put her hand on Tee's shoulder, watching her flinch slightly and move her eyes up to the older woman.

The look of pain in the young girls eyes was unavoidable. She looked so broken, so upset, so guilty and ashamed for what had happened. Her body still tightly holding on to the woody woodpecker as she looked up at Joyce, not being able to talk.

"Tee, Honey, we've gotta go inside, okay?" She says to Tee softly. Tee just stared back at her, a tear falling slowly down her sunken cheeks.

"I killed him," she whispered, her voice cracking as she spoke. In all honestly, her brain wasn't registering what Joyce was saying, and automatically assumed that's what the conversation was about.

"No, honey, you didn't," Joyce cooed the girl, moving forward to hug her as Hopper began to make his way over. Tee didn't hug Joyce back, she couldn't. She felt so sick, so upset and ashamed, "you didn't kill him."

"He saved me," Tee cried out, her voice sounding like a broken scream as her guilt tore her apart, her stomach feeling so sunken it might as well have not been in her body as her small frame shook with sobs.

"He died a hero," Hopper spoke up from next to Joyce, who was still hugging his little girl. Joyce pulled away slowly, wiping Tee's eyes softly with her fingers as Hopper continued, "he wouldn't want you to be like this, he'd want you to finish what the Russians started."

"I can't," tee whispered as she cling onto the toy more, her heart feeling like it was being ripped in every direction, "I can't do it."