Clever Girl

Chapter 20: The paranoia is strong.

First it was about his suspicions of my intellect. Now it's this. How many times must I say something to him before he gets it? Livid at the interruption, I call him direct. Sending a long, angry text won't be as effective. Then again, it's Jay. Nothing seems to affect him the way it should.

He answers on the first ring, "You missed the sound of my voice, didn't you?"

I roll my eyes and walk quickly towards the staff kitchen area, in need of some tea to help soothe my nerves. "Yes. I mean no... I mean, we discussed this only two days ago. It doesn't matter if we like each other, we can't date. End of story."

"We don't have to call it a date. We can call it a... causal get-together. After that, I promise to leave you alone forever."

This reminds me of the deal I made with my parents, except that was serious and quite possibly life-changing, and this is only infuriating. What makes me rage more is the fact that I'm blushing, and I'm thankful he can't see me. "Yeah, you say that now, and then the next day you'll text me again, and we'll go in circles, like we always do. It's like you don't know how to listen to people. Or maybe you do, and you enjoy being a relentless, annoying asshat."

"Asshat? That's a bold insult, princess," he chuckles.

"Oh my God, I wanna strangle you so badly right now."

"You can, when we go on our casual get-together."

I'm about to scream, and it takes me a few moments of deep breathing to calm myself down. For reasons beyond my understanding, my heart has decided to push itself into overdrive at the mere thought of him. One so-called casual get-together won't cause me to lose my head and tumble down a mountainside of regret. If he chooses to pursue this nonsensical thing afterwards, I can always ignore him. "Fine. Fine. If it'll get you to disappear after, I'll go, but only on three conditions. One, it'll be for coffee only. Two, it'll be somewhere no one else from Apollo could possibly run into us.  And three, you'll forget it ever happened as soon as it's over."

"Okay. But if you fall in love with me, you can't take that last condition back."

"That's it. It's off. I'm hanging up now."

"Wait, no. Come on, I was joking."

Another deep breath, and I'm dizzy. "Condition four -  you stop being a pretentious douche. I liked you better when you weren't being so obvious. Anyway, I'll see you Friday. At Seven. In front of the Starbucks on the corner of 16th and Rutherford. That's the furthest Starbucks I can think of."

"I can't pick you up?"

"It's not a date, so no."

"See you then, princess." The way he says 'princess' now isn't drenched in antagonism, but rather amusement, and it sends me spiraling. It takes me a full minute to stop imagining him kissing me.

After we hang up, I make myself the tea I needed, and take my break. There is still a part of me that believes this might be a prank. That he was dared to pretend to like me, to mess with me, then humiliate me. What if everything Will told me about him was true? It would hurt, more than I would ever admit out loud. The paranoia is strong though, and the small section of my mind that isn't taken with him won't allow me to supress it. Maybe I can take it an as opportunity to learn - I'm not well versed in connecting with people, whether it's friendship or romantic. If it's indeed a prank, I'll memorize the signs and keep them safe for any future relationships. 

When the workday ends, John congratulates me on making it through my first day seamlessly. The pay is not impressive, but because of the hours, I've made a fair amount. It's honest work and I'm proud of myself, and I hope that after two weeks, my parents will be proud too - enough to let me continue.