The Professor's Son

Frazzled Heart - Part 7

Recently you had been texting and calling Jaehyun a lot. There were three days left until your first philosophy assignment of the semester was due and you were determined to get an A+ grade. Since tensions were high, you always had Jaehyun's number on speed dial, just in case you came upon a random question or an idea you needed him to clarify.

"Hey Jae," you said casually over the phone. Your formal greetings had stopped and now you exclusively called each other using nicknames, "I have a question for you."

"Peachy?" that was his silly nickname for you, his reason being that it was his 'favourite fruit' and also the colour of your cheeks every time he gave you a perfectly dimpled smile. His voice was deep and brassy on the other end, "Uhh, you know what time it is right?"

"Yeah, exactly 11:42pm."

"Don't you think you should be calling me, like I dunno? During business hours?"

"But Jae I'm stressed! And I'm just dying to ask you a question." you pleaded.

Jaehyun chuckled lightly, you could hear the smile in his voice, "Okay just for you, ask away Peachy."

Suddenly, you realised Jaehyun must have been asleep before you called up, "Oh my goodness Jae!" you exclaimed, jumping out of your chair with vigor. You bumped your knee on the wooden oak desk and gave out a yelp, along with some colourful choice words. "Shit, shit..." you whispered to yourself. On the other end of the line you could hear Jaehyun's laughter.

"Hey are you okay dork?" Jaehyun's raspy voice called out.

"Sorry...I'm fine seriously, it was just the table...it jumped out at me!" again, you could hear Jaehyun laughing to himself, "Anyways, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for calling you up so late. I didn't know what the time was."

"That's okay, I don't mind. Just shoot away." Jaehyun replied reassuringly, making you feel less guilty.

"Right, thanks Jae...Do you know much about Pascal's Wager?"

There was a pause, "Yeah I've heard of it before."

"Can you summarise it for me?"

"Pascal...well..." Jaehyun gave out a soft sigh, "Look at it this way, if you have two options right, one which is to believe in God and the other which is to not believe, which option would you choose? That was what Pascal pondered, whether or not it is safer to believe in the unknown."

"Hmmmm, well I wouldn't believe in the unknown."

"Why not?"

"Because there's no logic, no reason behind belief."

"You sound like a Stoic today...only using logic and reason must get boring though."

"I don't see how the alternative is any better," you huffed, this conversation was just raising more questions than answers, "What's the point of believing anyways?"

"Well, what if there is a God? If you didn't believe in him then Pascal wagered he would send you straight to hell for committing such a crime against him."

"What if a murderer believed in God? Would he still go to heaven?"

"Ah-ha!" Jaehyun exclaimed, "Now you've reached the crux of Pascal's Wager! That's a question I'll leave for you to answer."

"All this talk of belief and unknowns is making my head hurt."

"I didn't say philosophy was gonna be easy."

"And you're just making it harder!"

"Sorry, baby-" Jaehyun said, and your heart dropped "Oh shit I mean, sorry Y/N."

It took you a second to realise what had just happened. Surely Jaehyun just called you "baby" as a joke right? You decided it was better to laugh the whole thing off, than think about it for any longer.

"Jaehyun you're so funny! You must be tired." you giggled and teased him.

"Yeah that was totally an accident," his voice sounded unsure, but you didn't notice the tension over the sound of your heart being crushed.

Who were you kidding? Jaehyun would never go for a person like you, right?

Suddenly, you felt anxious, the mood had shifted so quickly, you were scrambling trying to put the pieces of your heart back together. Even though Jaehyun had not intended to make you feel embarrassed his words were like a knife, just once again proving how he was out of your league.

He was your tutor, and you were a student. Nothing more.

You cleared your throat and tried to think of something to say, to ease the awkwardness, "Thanks for answering my question...I'll let you enjoy the rest of your night now."

"Yeah," Jaehyun replied, "I'll see you tomorrow?" His voice sounded hopeful.

"Oh yeah, I totally forgot you were gonna help me out with referencing."

"Don't forget, we're meeting at 11:30 sharp. Be there at the library, Peachy!"

Once again, hearing him call you by your nickname made your heart swell with happiness, maybe things we're not so bad after all.

"Got it Jae, see you then."

"Bye, have sweet dreams."

Yeah I know I will, cos I'll be dreaming of you - you almost said, but stopped yourself and abruptly hung up, trying to shove all your emotions down.

After you had collected your thoughts and gulped down a mouthful of water, you returned to writing your assignment.

The laptop keyboard felt rough and uneven under the gentle press of your finger tips, the conversation with Jaehyun had screwed up your train of thought and left your body feeling drained. That one word stuck to your brain like bubblegum on a shoe.

"Baby." you mumbled to yourself, unconsciously touching your lips as you repeated the moniker and fantasised about Jaehyun holding you tightly around the waist, whispering the term of endearment in your ear.

The sound of your phone buzzing with an email notification managed to shock you out of your daydream.