Turn Your Face

Needy

There never has been nor will there ever be a moment that compared to waking up the next morning with Emily by my side again. Her sobs into my chest subsided after an extended period where she was inconsolable. I mean, I had nothing concrete to say that would be acceptable or assuring at the moment. All I could do was rub her back and repeat 'shhh' into her ear gently. After the tears came silence. Once I knew she was alright, I unwrapped my arms from around her and rolled over to face my bedroom door. We still hadn't talked about anything, and the last thing I wanted was for Emily to get the wrong idea about what me holding her meant.

Her pain deserved to be recognized. Her struggle deserved solace. Emily herself didn't deserve either. So once that pain and struggle subsided, so did my recognition and solace.

The exhaustion from her detox pulsed through her even while asleep. Her mouth was draped nearly wide open as she breathed deeply through her mouth. The bun on her head the night before had fallen around her face, and the bags under her eyes had only become more pronounced. I sighed as I slipped out from under the sheets allowing Emily's arm that had found its way around me throughout the night to fall to the mattress below. Today would be a doozy. There was no need to complicate an already complicated situation with Emily waking up to find me cuddled up next to her.

I trudged downstairs to start a pot of coffee and make some French toast for breakfast. I knew it was Emily's favorite breakfast food and I figured starting her day off on a happy note couldn't hurt. As the smells of butter and cocoa wafted upstairs, I could hear Emily stirring above me. I followed her every step through the creaks in the flooring.

Walking. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Pause. Door closed. Longer pause. Toilet flush. Water turned on. One. Two. Three. Four. Water off. Pause. Door open. Walking again. One. Two. Three. Sliding closet door. Pause. Sliding closet door. Pause. Walking again. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

"Al?" she questioned over the banister, causing me to jump out of fear that I had been caught for listening to her motions too closely.

"Yes?" I replied after I caught my breath.

I heard her footsteps quicken as she proceeded down the stairs before turning the corner into the kitchen, "Just wanted to make sure you were down here before... I don't know. Part of me forgot where I was this morning, so I was double checking." As she turned the corner, I could see that the pauses I was unable to account for earlier included her redoing her ponytail and throwing on a sweatshirt out of my closet before coming downstairs.

Emily had made her way to my island seating as she finished her comment, "Did you think I would leave you this morning?" I asked tilting my head to the side wondering how much of her trust I had lost when I kicked her out of my home a week and a half prior.

She refused to make eye contact with me again, "I thought maybe you had told Hanna to come over instead so you wouldn't have to deal with me... and I definitely didn't think you would make me French toast after everything I –"

"Please, don't make a big deal out of me taking care of you. Coffee?" she nodded as I filled up a cup, emptying a half-packet of sugar and swirling in a small dose of cream before passing it to her. "Food will be ready in just a second, okay babe?" I exhaled frustratingly, "I mean, Emily."

"Mmm-hmm." Her only reply back, apparent hesitation still lingering behind the small sound she produced, "Are you going to be ready to talk today, Alison? I really am sorry for just showing up last night. I didn't know anywhere else to go."

Placing her plate of food in front of her, I looked at her with as much understanding as I could, "I told you it was fine. I get it, I do. And yeah, I can be ready to talk today if you are."