FEARLESS ~ Sequel to Silence

𝔽𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡

Trigger Warning

Past

What surprised me more was throughout our lecture while speaking, Mr. Cross used ASL and for the very first time I felt wanted.

My whole life people looked down on me for being different. The moment they would realise I am a man with certain disabilities, all their interests would be lost and I would be treated like a piece of garbage. I have lost counts on how many occasions people have thought I wasn't worth their time and effort.

I have been told, 'Its so sad. You have such a handsome face, but too bad you can't speak nor hear.'

People have gone to the extent of saying, 'If only you were normal, you'd be like your sister.'

The one to feel hurt more than me was Azora. She never understood why people had such evil thoughts. As for me, this was much tame considering what happened to me in the past. The only way to shut peoples mouth was by donning an ass***e persona, and that's what I became best at doing.

Thus, right now having someone, a stranger taking pains to communicate with me, where no other teacher bothered to ever do so, made me realise that I am indeed a human.

Throughout the lecture there were few students giving me side glances, wondering what was so special about Mr. Cross using ASL to communicate. They would never care to understand that as a teacher, you are supposed to treat all students equally; not just call that so called student forward for a group photograph when a minister or VIP is present.

My eyes never once strayed away from him. The more I saw, the more I wanted to smile. He was beautiful. The stubble on his cheek seemed to grow out of laziness. He wasn't the usual pale skin one would find around. His skin was more bronzed. A small dimple is placed just below his lip and if you blink, one could miss it.

My hand itched.

Glancing at my table, without another thought, I got my drawing pad out and used my pencil to make my first sketch in five years. Gabriel Cross made me do that. He made me want to sketch, draw, shade and paint him.

My pencil glided smoothly against the paper and even though he was using ASL for my benefit, I didn't pay single attention, because he had all my concentration. Mr. Cross's jaws strained when he closed his mouth. His throat bobbed all along whenever he spoke.
His eyes smiled when he smiled. His hair was artfully moulded with some kind of gel. His ears had three holes in them, while he wore only one earring in his right ear. A beautiful wristwatch adorned his left hand while in the index finger of right hand rested a silver ring with turquoise stone.

Throughout the session not once my hand stopped moving. I kept sketching him and he was coming alive on my paper. Each sinew I drew, made my breath hitch. This art did not do justice to the man himself.

Sadly, the lecture can to an end and I had no interest in the next one. But, just as I started packing, Mr. Cross signed again asking me to meet him outside the class. With a smile I nodded and few students were perplexed. They really weren't used to seeing me smile.

"Mr. Takahashi, I hope my ASL was clear. If you need me to go slower, kindly do let me know; or if you have any doubts I am always free after class." This time I smiled broadly and his hand movements instantly stilled.

"Mr. Cross, please don't worry. I understood your lecture. Your ASL right now was too fast for me to understand. So, you can maintain the pace you had back in class." I signed and adjusted my bag on the shoulder. "It hasn't been that long since I started ASL, so I'm still learning many expression and words."