It wasn't meant to be you

Chapter seventeen Chris

I didn't want her to stay mad at me, even though even if I told her I knew she would still hate me, not only because I told her that she wasn't good enough for me but because I had played with her feelings, if she ever had them for me that is. So on 4th period I went to her English class to talk to her, even though lunch break was next, if I even tried to talk to her on lunch break where she was kind of allowed to scream at me, it would have been bad. So I told her I needed to talk to her but she wanted nothing to do with me, so I grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the class. She was mad, really mad, but she didn't make a scene, she just talked to me in a cheery tone saying things sarcastically. I had hurt her, I would never want to be the reason of her suffering, but she just made me so, so- weird, confused, doubtful, kind of in a good way, but also not, because I hurt her.

She ran out of school, and I chased after her, but she turned and I couldn't see her anymore. I went out of school too, grabbed my car and went for a ride, to clear my head. And I saw her, sitting on a swing in a playground, she was crying, and looking at the sky and at the floor. I understood what she was doing, but debated on whether to go and talk to her or watch her from a safe distance. Wasn't sure my decision was exactly the best choice, but it was better than her wondering why I had done the things I had, and hating me for the rest of her life.

As I stepped out of my car and walked towards her I could see more clearly the tears running down her face, and the pain in her eyes. She only noticed me until I was up close, and when she did, she quickly turned away

"Go away" Her voice was breaking and she tried to sound as normal as posible but I could feel the quiver in her voice as she spoke

"No. I won't go away. Would you just listen to me?"

"Why would I listen to you! huh! You know, for a moment there I really thought that maybe you weren't such a player like I originally thought, maybe I had thought that there may have been hope for us. That maybe you cared about me. And you can't just make someone care about you and then play with their feelings like that!" She was angry-sad I knew that feeling well. But all I could focus on was what she had said, she cared about me. "You are unbelievable! I trusted you! I told you what I was going through! You kissed me! You took me on a date, you kissed me in front of everyone, and now suddenly you can't be seen with me! Oh and not forgetting the fact that you dated half the school and I thought that I was going to be different. But you are the same to everyone aren't you?! How could you?" At this point, she had started to cry even more, and she had stopped screaming, but instead spoke in an angry, quivering voice.

I hugged her and she melted right into my arms, and like a puzzle, we just fitted into each other. But she pushed me away

"No. You aren't going to hug me and expect me to forgive you. No." She turned her head, I could still feel the warmth of her hand on my chest.

"That's not what I wanted to do Emma. I wanted to comfort you, because I care about you. You are not like the other girls at all, I talked to you that way because you scare me Smith. These feelings, I have never felt them before, and I pushed you away, when I should have held your closer. I don't deserve you. You deserve so much. better. But I want you to know that- I love you." I pause and looked away for a moment, there were tears forming in my eyes, but I wouldn't let them drop. "And I know that it sounds crazy since I only just got to know you, but it's true, and I know that you think I'm a jerk and a player and I don't deserve you. I just wanted you to know that. Goodbye Smith."

"Chris! Wait" I tried to ignore her and just kept walking, but she never came, she never reached me, because I wasn't fast enough. I couldn't save her.